one last post before I go to sleep

I know, I know my posting is super random and weird because I don't post much until I post three things in 1 day haha.

But here we are 11:30 at night, I can't sleep and hopefully getting these thoughts out of my head will help. 

Is this what dating is like? I mean as we've established I'm incredibly new to these things. But does the anxious feelings or the nervousness stop getting in the way of really connecting with another person? I feel like I spend so much of my time on the phone worried and stressed about what to say next or how dumb I sound that I end up miserable. I mean why do I do that? What the heck! 

It's the absolute worst!!! So how do I get past it?! How do I stop being such a nerd blossom on the phone and just talk to him, get to know him y'know? 

I definitely feel good about the insane list of questions from earlier. I think that's a step in the right direction. But also how else can I really get myself to a place where I'm not just talking to him but really connecting with him? 

Do you think he cares? Do you think when we're not talking he thinks about me? Does je stress about these phone calls and the awkward moments of silence or does it just not even mater to him? Ugh! S.O.S this is the worst and I feel super dumb. 

But I do like him. I really feel like he cares about me--like in a respectful type, genuine good person kind of way. Like he took time in his very busy schedule today to read my essay for school. I mean who does that? Like we've only been talking for a few weeks (only days via the phone). But he just so genuinely cares about people and wants to help them. I really like that about him.

I also like that he is thoughtful about so many things. He clearly is reflective about his life, his future, his dreams, who he's meant to be. It's interested to talk to someone who knows who he is and is moving toward his goals in life. He's way beyond man child. I also like that he has opinions or ideas different than mine and he's quick to share them, not contradictory but just being open and authentic. 

I also really respect how he spoke about his past relationship. So respectful, very aware of his own mistakes in its demise. He was just so aware of his flaws and has taken the entire experience and tried to make himself better because of it. That takes a great deal of humility and faith to do. I admire that about him already. 

I just had to say that I don't want to mess things up by being in my head to much. So tomorrow when we talk I'm going to try and be better. More expressive, more myself. I'm going to try and fight off the urges of throwing up and over analyzing everything I say and just act like I'm talking to my sister- completely myself and knowing that no mater what she wants to talk to me.