choose to be open!

Hello friends! So much has happened recently and trying to write it all out feels like trying to slowly release a waterfall haha... however I'll save the life update for another post. This is simply another rant- as I'm so prone to. 

I believe that we need to have a sense of openness about ourselves to thrive in life. If we are always closed off, saying no thanks and walking within our very small bubble we'll miss out on some pretty incredible opportunities. 

See I have this friend, she's pretty anti steady relationship. Totally fine- you have to be ready for it. But it's to a point that she won't even go out with a guy without telling him that there's no chance for anything more than a single date. Now again not objectly wrong, however! Can you see how having that attitude could close you off to opportunities and blessing the Lord might have in store for you?

Instead of telling every guy you meet this is a one and done date for me. Simply say: I'm not looking for a steady relationship right now. But be open- be ready that if the right person comes along, if the spirit is present you act! You follow.

If I've learned anything over the past few years it's I have a plan and God has a plan and if I pigheadly follow my own plan I'd miss out on a lot. Trusting the Lord and his plan for you isn't easy. Sometimes it means giving up on a thing you want, sometimes it's waiting for your hopes and dreams. But when you are open to what the Lord has you'll never miss out and I know you won't regret it! 

So for those too closed off, too set in their ways, too determined to forge their own road... remember that if you want a good life you do it your own way but if you want an amazing life you do it His way. It won't be easy but looking back it'll be 100% worth it! 

what a day

Today has been one of the hardest days I've had in a long while. I've felt such strong feelings today and they have just bubbled and boiled and I feel like if I don't get them all out I'll explode! So here we are...

After quite some time, debate, excuses and fear... greater fear than I can explain or fully express, I've decided to go to my Bishop for help in the process of Repentance. 

See a long time ago, as a teenager I began a habit that has followed me around for years. Before my mission I tried to repent and felt like I'd done a good job- I'd stopped the bad habit and felt worthy to go and serve. It wasn't a challenge during my mission and I naively thought that when I got home it wouldn't be a problem ever again. I was wrong. 

Since being home the habit has grown- I've known it was wrong. Prayed to stop, determined in myself to change and then days or weeks or sometimes even months later I slip and there I am back where I was. This past week its been consuming me- boredom and free time is a dangerous combination when it comes to temptation and sin. 

At this same time I've been participating in an institute class centered and focused on Repentance and forgiveness. It's inspired me to change and be better, yet the slip ups continue. So today as I drove to institute my heart and mind were open and I finally talked to my Father in Heaven about what I've been dealing with. I told Him it all, the good and the bad and most of all I opened myself up with the honesty that I didn't know what I should do next. I felt lost and empty and needed direction. I knew I needed to tell someone, probably my Bishop but oh man! 

After a few articles I found on churchofjesuschrist.org I felt within myself that the first step, the right step was to talk with my Bishop. I pulled off and wrote a message- after some rewrite and tears I finally hit send. Then I was blessed with a phone call, a hand reaching out with love and compassion my big Brother. He spoke to me of Gods love and mercy. He reassured me this was the right step and that I could do this. That I wasn't evil or damned. It was everything I needed right then and there to keep me from throwing in the towel all over again. 

Then my Bishop responded, in such mercy and compassion he was ready to go. Wanting to help me, free of judgment. I don't know what's going to happen next. But I already feel better. Feel lighter- I know this is a step in the right direction. I have a new sense of hope that I didn't have before and I'm grateful. I'm still afraid to actually talk with my Bishop. I'm afraid of what might happen next.... but I know that with God's love things will be okay. 

If you're trying to find your next step. I encourage you to take it, take the step you feel directed to take. Even if it's hard, exspecially if it's hard. The Lord loves you, He'll walk beside you and will help you one this path. Don't give up! With Christ you can do all things.