My UC Story

I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in March of this year, just following my 21st birthday. But that is not where my story begins....
My story starts like many great fairytales, with an upcoming adventure. I had just turned 19 and made the decision to serve as a full time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, that meant that for 18 months I would live somewhere away from home serving, teaching and working to help those around me. I was so excited! I had a deep love for those around me and I wanted to share the happiness I had found in following the teachings of Jesus Christ. I received my mission call to Jacksonville Florida and I would go to Utah for 3 weeks to recieve training and preparation at the MTC I was to report there April 13th of 2016.
I was nervous to be leaving home for the first time but I took a deep breath and off I went. It was kinda insane but in a good way. My body didn't react well to the stress, I got sick very quickly being unable to eat and needing to use the bathroom very frequently. Which is more than an inconvenience when you have to bring another person with you, it's a rule for missionaries to stay with a companion 24/7. I was also having some rectal bleeding now I know that should've been a red flag for me but since I had worked as a CNA I knew how to recognize internal bleeding in a BM and that's not what this was. Frankly I thought it was hemroids, they run in my family and I've struggled with bleeding on and off most of my teenage years, always attributing it back to hemroids.
Regardless I was concerned and between my companion and my Branch President in the MTC they had me go to the Dr to try and figure things out. It helped they gave me medications that made it possible to eat and did some blood work. Things looked fine, other than low iron (the bleeding would explain that), they checked for hemroids and surprise I didn't have any! Also a little concerning becuase where was the blood coming from? The Dr wanted to do some stool samples but that would've kept me in Utah and I didn't want to be kept there. I wanted to get to Florida and get to helping people. So I declined and off I went, probably the first if many dumb decisions. (Haha)
Florida was beautiful! My first companion was compassionate and patient. She was a huge blessing. And my health improved slightly. Until suddenly I was sick with fever and chills and the runs all out if no where and unexplainable. Well back to the Dr's I went and this time I did the stool sample, turns out I had gotten Salmonella. Medications helped (sorta) and I was also put on a probiotic to help heal my gut.
The next hurdle came when my grandfather passed away at home. It was hard not to be around to help and my health plummeted. It wasn't made any easier becuase at the time I was training a new Sister Missionary who was struggling with anxiety among other things. I was stretched beyond my limits and so overwhelmed. Once again the bathroom became a close friend and I began to notice bleeding again, I was exhausted constantly, I was hurting and I stopped being able to eat regularly I just sorta nibbled and then forced myself when in public. I sought help but everyone attributed it to stress and irritable bowel syndrome, which also ran in my family. I did get a priesthood blessing where I was promised the ability to eat throughout the remainder of my mission. And that promise was fulfilled! Which was a huge blessing and made things far more manageable.
All things run their course, this was no different, eventually things changed I went to a different city in Florida and was put it a different situation, slightly less stressful. And things actually got quite a bit better. But my health just couldn't behave for long so just over a year in Florida, in March actually, I ended up in the ER and needing emergency surgery due to Appendicitis. That was easily the hardest part of my mission. For a few weeks I was too week and trying to heal so I stayed mostly in bed. I was blessed with caring companions and friends who were wonderfuk caregivers and taught me how to seek help. It was a humbling experience and it very nearly broke me. My health directly following the surgery actually seemed to be perfect and then BAM! Suddenly I was so sick everything came crashing down around me so I once again asked for help and decided to cut sugar and dairy from my diet and it was an answer to pray for over a month my symptoms where in remision and I thought I'd found my answers.
Until once again I was moved to a new area and was asked to train a new Sister Missionary. This sweet sister was my rock as my health both physically and emotionally fell apart around me. She was more patient and understanding than I could've asked for. I even remember talking with her and mentioning that I wondered if I had Crohns or something, I knew nothing about it but I wondered, at this point I was too tired of the hoops it took to get to the Dr and the never ending string of questions with no answers. I only had a few months left I decided to soldier through and deal with it when I got home.
My final month and a half in the mission was my breaking point. There wasn't a day I didn't see blood after a bowel movement, the pain never ceased and I   was totally exhausted. My stress level was once again through the roof between coming home and my health and just struggling with my new and final companion I could go no further. And although it broke my heart I was relieved to be going home. And I was hopefull I could finally find answers, despite my fears of what those might be.
I got home to Wisconsin on Halloween and was too busy to deal with anything at that moment! Both my older siblings got married in rapid succession first November then December. When I finally got to the Dr they did some allergy testing which came back negative and decided to send me to a GI specialist. I met with Dr P. and I wasn't surprised when he simply diagnosed me with IBS. That's what's I'd called it my entire mission. It seemed like a logical diagnosis. We even decided to try a newer treatment for IBS it was an antibiotic treatment that had put many sufferers with IBS into remision.
I started the antibiotic treatment just following a bout with the flu and my health spiralled into nothing the last few weeks of April I was a disaster. I tried to tough it out, downplayed my problems and keep life as close to normal as I could.
March came and so did my 21st birthday and it was the Sunday following that I went in to the ER I couldn't pretend any longer something was wrong and I was terrified. Finally the right questions were asked and they determined to do a CAT scan. My colon lit up light a Christmas tree and the Dr gave the diagnosis of Colitis, however a confirmation was still needed before treatment could start so we got me scheduled for a colonoscopy a week later. That week was hell, no point in sugar coating it. I couldn't eat I had fevers and exhaustion. Emotionally I was broken. My life was held together by my loving parents and a few close friends who repeatedly came to my rescue. The Sunday before my colonoscopy I thought I was going to die, only being slightly melodramatic there. I was so sick at this point I had lost over 20 pounds and saw no end in sight. I tried to go to church and ended up puking in the female bathroom before just going home with a fever to sleep on the couch. My heart was breaking... I was so broken....
They performed the colonoscopy and I was finally diagnosed with ulcerative colitis which is a chronic inflamitory bowl disease. The treatments started and slowly I've begun to heal. Sadly it's been an uphill battle and it's not over yet. And I still fight daily against the anxiety this has created and the pain as we try to find the right medications and truly understand what my bodies doing. Throughout this all I've learned a lot about empathy and compassion both giving and receiving. I've also learned about hope and faith, what they are and what they are not. I've also been so blessed in hundreds of small ways each one reminding me that I am not alone.
The most important thing I've learned is that this isn't "my story" this is simply a chapter in my novel. There is more to who I am than this disease and there will be so much more to my life and my future than this. I am a daughter of God, a true and loving friend, a creater of beautiful food, a lover of good books, a professional napper, a girl with a chronic illness but most of all I am a warrior! UC got nothing on me.

Had a bad day.. :(

Man oh man! Bad days strike out of no where! Life is mostly good, things are always a little stressful but oh well! You deal and find joy anyways. And sure you have "bad moments" in day to day life. Maybe you get the wrong order filled during lunch. Maybe a co-worker calls you out for no good reason. Maybe you date cancels last minute. But those things ultimately don't make you day all out, no good, bad!

So let's talk about bad days.... I'm talking you wake up and your whole body aches. You feel nauseous and can barely eat. You expel far more BM then you expect and your bum hurts for the rest of the day. Then you have a fever and go between hot and cold all day long. Ooh and did I forget to mention you're supposed to work today. And no where is comfortable, not the bed or the couch of even the floor. You just hurt, period.
So you cry and that causes a headache. And you worry about work because they really need you. And you really hate letting people down. But despite your best efforts you call in, and then cry some more. You try to go to Wal-Mart, after all you need a few essentials and yup, you guesses it, you cry at Wal-Mart. And so you spend most of the day napping and crying, kinda pathetic but there's not much else to do frankly. And that is the sum total of this bad day.

So why do bad days happen? And what do we do to deal with them? Well I believe bad days happen for a variety of reasons: (1) we live in a fallen world, and sometimes mortality just stinks, (2) humility is very important in life and sadly  sometimes it takes a bad day to remind you of that, (3) it causes us to remember and rely on Him more, finally (4) it makes every good day all the better and so much more appreciated.
How do you deal with a bad day? Sometimes you just have to wait it out. Know that this too shall pass, your story isn't over yet. And hard as it may seem sometimes bad days are giant pause buttons from our body. So I give you permission to Stop! Rest and take care of yourself. But you do not and never will have permission to give up! Nope never! I promise the sun will come out again soon! And if you open your eyes you will see that He is here, especially when things are hard. So my lovely hang in there. And I pray tomorrow is a good day.