Things not to say

If I had to guess you or someone you know has a chronic illness, if not just wait this is a literal freaking epidemic! Ok. That was a bit dramatic. Where am I going with this?! Ahh yes that's right.... here is a quick list of things NOT to say to someone who has a chronic illness. 

1. You'll just need to learn to live with it. (Okay sure, why don't I just hire someone to hit you in the head all day with a mallet and you can learn to live with that, huh?)

2. Do you really need that medication? (Listen if I didn't need it I wouldn't take it, 9 times out of 10 the symptoms make me feel terrible but you know, I wanna live....)

3. So you're better now, right? (Listen, and I'll try to make this simple, chronic=forever. You're welcome) 

4. Have you tried..... (If one more person suggests CBD oil, essential oil, some medication they heard about on a commercial or a "cure all diet" I. WILL. CUT. YOU.) 

5. Oh but you're so young. (Yeah the thing is they must have forgotten to I.D me before handing out the illnesses. And yes, I truly appriacte the reminder that I have tons of time to "learn" to deal with these problems)

6. Why are you always tired? (Because my body is always trying to kill itself, sorry if this inconveniences you) 

7. Well you don't look sick. (You're not wrong, I try my best to keep the zombie buried deep inside) 

8. Why can't you do.... (Listen sometimes it's that I can't, sometimes it's a choice of what thing I want to do more. But beleive me I'm trying)

9. You must be so strong to deal with this (I know you mean well, but I don't feel strong, I don't love the idea that because I'm "strong" somehow that makes my struggles okay. Honestly they suck and I'm exhausted and I don't want to be the "strong" one anymore) 

10. But how are you really? (I know you mean well, and this is your way of showing it. But if I say, "I'm fine" there's a reason! *stay tuned for the 10 things "I'm fine actually means") 

11. I understand... (Listen I get it you want to empathise with me, but you don't understand. Okay? You just don't know what this is like and it hurts to be reminded of that)

The thing to remember everytime someone says one of the annoying things to you what they are trying to say is: I care about you. So try to resist the eye rolls ;)

And maybe send them this; a quick list of 5 things that we (well, I) actually like hearing:

1. I like you're Pjs 

2. Oh, I've never heard of [your illness] can you tell me what it is? 

3. Want me to get you your hot pad?

4. Do you want to talk about it or be distracted from it? 

5. Would a hug help?

Honestly compassion (not pity there is a huge difference!) and kindness will always be effective. And when in doubt just listen, more often then not we'll tell you want we need. Hang in there friends! 

It's Qulaitiy not Quantitiy that matters

So let me share a long held debate that's been happening in my family recently, it's all about scripture reading (yup not politics or ethnic or anything else....) 

See when my siblings and I were growing up we'd read scriptures every night with my parents and we usually read an entire chapter. Since I've come home from my mission we alternate sometimes we read a whole chapter sometimes just 15 verses (there's only three of us now) but we pretty much always read which in my book is the most important thing. Not so much with my parents. See they frequently debate are we reading enough. Mom will say something like couldn't we read more and then Dad gets stressed and overwhelmed. Then the next night Dad us stressed about how much we are or arent reading and Mom getting defensive and it's just silliness y'know? 

So last night I had a little mini-epiphany; does God ever give us a number of how much we need to do I mean I've not looked everywhere but I'm pretty sure there isn't q list that says:

-daily prayers (two, five if meal prayers included)

-scripture reading (1 chapter, 2 if seeking greater blessings)

-service (45 min, helping old ladies cross the street recommended)

I mean can you imagine if there was something like this out there?! I mean maybe it would be nice I would definitely know I wasn't making it to heaven so that would be a load off I guess. But guess what?!  This is not how God works!!! There is no master list or point system!!! 

I occurred to me that it's not so much the quantity of our Obedience that matters it's really about the quality of our Obedience. God doesn't say read 2 chapters a day He says read scriptures daily and ponder them. God doesn't give us a number of prayers to pray, he asks us to communicate with him through prayer open and honest and then listen for him to answer us. 

I remember a conversation I had with a struggling companion on my mission who just could grapple with exact obedience and being a "consecrated missionary" (Just imagine super stressed perfectionist missionaries that's what I served with haha!) I read her a scripture: 

Mosiah 5: 2 "And they all cried with one voice, saying: Yea, we believe all the words which thou hast spoken unto us; and also, we know of their surety and truth, because of the Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, which has wrought a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually" (italics added for emphasis) 

See this is conversion, it's about our hearts changing and with it our true desires. After that the actions will follow automatically. 

So if you feel like your obedience is lacking maybe instead of trying to gauge if the quantity is enough look at your heart and your desires and the quality of your choices.