Rise of the Guardians helping me process Covid-19? I mean, whatever works right?

The world is a mess right now huh? What a chronically ill girl to do? Hide in her house writing blog posts to try and manage her feelings that's what.

Since becoming quarantined (about a 2 week period) to try and prevent the spread of Covid-19 and to protect myself the best I can from becoming sick I have:

•painted my nails approx 6 times (does it count as double if you paint each hand seperatly?)

•finished one book, started another

•binge watched an entire show on Netflix and one on Amazon (The Letter For The King and Shakespeare uncovered respectively) 

•baked cookies, muffins, challah bread, pumpkin bread and made plum tarts (more baking to come worry not)

•done a puzzle (it was butterfly shaped that was kinda cool)

•signed up on mutual (that was an especially low moment)

•reorganize and cleaned our basement storage area under the stairs (turns out we have a family of mice... nasty!)

•taken a bath for no reason other than to soak

•cleaned my room (I also put up some of my artwork, I'll share about my new love of painting in another blog post, stay tuned) 

•done meaningless crafts (coloring books, homemade picture frames, you get the idea... I'm trying out origami next) 

•played Mario DDR with my parents (strange but pretty amusing ngl) 

And now written a blog post ;) 

Welcome to my new reality. Have I ever discussed my love of the movie; Rise of the Guardians? For those unfamiliar it's a DreamWorks animation about the Guardians, tooth fairy, sandman, Santa Claus and the Easter bunny, and their fight against Pitch Black with the help of newcomer Jack Frost. It's interesting because it focuses on Fear and how we can overcome it. 

How do you fight against fear? How do we face the darkness in the world? I don't know about y'all but I'm dealing with some fear and anxiety right now. These are scary times we live in, I think most of us can agree on that. Between the dangers contacted to this unfamiliar illness, social isolation, a lack of control, even just boredom can have negative affects on your mental state. It has for me. So what do we do about it?

I'll be honest I don't really know. I'm a little at a loss.... if, like in Rise of the Guardians, our dreams turn to nightmares does that mean on some way the the darkness has become apart of us? I think sometimes the darkness becomes so great and overwhelming it starts to seep into our very thoughts and feelings. It's starting to get to that point for me... I just feel so heavy I just want to lay down and cry. But what do we do? This cannot be the end of the story.... 

In Rise of the Guardians their solution is multi-dimensional here are the key points I noticed; 

1. The importance of identity. We have to know who we are. We are children of a loving father in Heaven. He does love us he does have a plan for us. We have a purpose for our life on earth.

2. There is a power in belief. Belief in hope, wonder and dreams. But also a "belief" or perhaps acknowledgment of our fear. Because of our belief in the good we must acknowledge the bad. There cannot be light without darkness. 

3. One person can change the tide of the world. Whether it's one kind act that changes someone's day or changes a nation. One person who chooses to reach out to another changes the entire world.  You have the power to fight the darkness. Believing in your power to overcome gives you a greater power to do so. 

4. The best way to fight the darkness is with light. Light of love and fun and laughter. Light of family and friends coming together to help each other. The light of Christ inside us all pushes the darkness away. 

Maybe we just have to believe and trust in the older brother who is willing to sacrifice everything, even himself, to save us. Or maybe I'm just emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed and because of it reading way to much into this movie. Either way it's one of my favorite and I feel a little better and a little lighter. 

Frozen 2 could've been GREAT

Alright Frozen 2, y'all heard of it? Of course you have! No let's talk turkey! I loved the first Frozen. I thought it was adorable. The story was so charming. I loved the idea of true love being more than that of a kiss between two people who just met. But rather a selfless act. I loved the sister relationship and I enjoyed the music, I still sing Let it Go regularly. And the tiwst villain moment is literally so iconic!! Plus you can't hate a movie with a disclaimer in the credits specific to boogers. Hahaha... seriously so classic. 

But the sequel fell flat for me. Now after seeing it more than once I will say I don't think it's "bad". It has some very funny moments and the music is probably one of its most redeeming elements. And honestly the story isn't the worst thing Disney has done with a sequel, I mean y'all remember Pocahontas 2 right? Yeah... ouch. But Frozen 2 just wasn't what I think it could've been! Here's what they could've changed to make it GREAT:

1. Kristoff and Anna relationship; okay one of the best (both funny and moving) moments in the film is Kristoff's power ballad "Lost in the Woods". But how much better would their relationships growth been if they had gotten engaged at the beginning of the film. Give me a guy who isn't afraid of his feelings and just muddled through and gets it done. And then all of the bumps in the road and challenges they faced afterwards would have a greater feeling of depth. Have Kristoff wonder if marriage is right ("it's always been a question of how I never thought it was a question of whether"), have Anna wondering why he left and where he is. Just give me greater drama AFTER engagement so I sense a feeling of risk like they really might not work out. This way  I have more of a feeling of joy and excitement when things are resolved. When Kristoff returns give me the quirky Anna who tires to have a deep conversation during the chase and then have them reaffirm that yes no matter the bumps and bruises they choose one another. It would've shown character development past the first movie and felt more adult vs. silly classic guy who can't express his feelings. 

2. Anna being the 5th spirit; okay after many a rewatch and some real pondering I think the 5 spirit should've been Love. After all ice is literally just another side of water which is already a spirit. Love being the 5th spirit perfectly alignes with the message of the first movie. And literally what better embodiment of Love than Anna? She literally ran into fire to try and help save her sister because she loves her. Throughout the film Anna is shown to value love above all else. Also and don't shoot the messenger but I'm kinda tired of banging the "Elsa is special, very yes" drum. Okay we get it! She's special Anna is ordinary blah-blah. I'm ready for someone to tell girls that you don't have to have super powers or be "as good" as your siblings to have deep value. And just being kind and loving can make all the difference. Also it would have been an appropriate slap in the face for Elsa to get to Atahalin just to be told, " Yup the person you've continued to push away is actually the one you needed all along. Stop being dumb." That being said they could've still pointed out that bridges have 2 ends and Elsa still could've stayed in the forest I think that made plenty of sense. 

3. Confontational reuinion between sisters; listen I have a sister and no matter how much I love her sometimes we have our issues. Anna has some issues with codependency and Elsa is insensitive and pushes people away. Neither are completely right OR completely wrong. However a realising reuinion between sisters would've included a little anger. Anna had a right to tell Elsa off for pushing her away. They should've argued and apologized for their actions. Give me an example of people who make mistakes and don't always do the right thing. But they know when to apologies and make it right. That is the kind of message I want shown to children because it's a powerful message. Forgiveness goes hand in hand with love and needs to be given it's moment in the light. 

4. Actual consequences to choices; the big moment of the film is when they break the dam to make things right at the cost of their home. But the bing-bam-boom Elsa saves the day and it doesn't matter no real sacrifice. LAME! Just like forgiveness is a message that needs to be shown so are consequences. Sometimes the happy ending isn't exactly what you expect. Have Arundel be destroyed and then the closing musical number can show them rebuilding. Moving forward and doing the next right thing because that's what we do in life. Sometimes we face the consequences of other people's choices but we make the best of it. 

Again I'm not saying that frozen 2 was bad. I just think they found the easy (lazy) story that worked just enough to make a quick money making sequel. And with a little editing, some thought about what principles they really wanted to show and teach they could've gone above and beyond and given us something worth all the hype. 

Words fail

The world is beyond a crazy mess right now. Covid-19 has everyone freaked and it's only March! I mean come on?! What else could 2020 have in store for us? 

I have had a few life changing moments, I'm not talking about the incredible pizza I ate for dinner moments. I mean I remember the exact place and moment when my life changed. 

I remember getting my mission call to Florida and knowing, and yet somehow not knowing,  that it would change my life forever. I remember sitting in the basement of my grandparents house when the parents came down to tell us my Grandpa had just passed away. I remember sitting in a ER getting a call from a Dr in my ward and hearing the words Ulcerative Colitis. I remember the early phone call with my mission President where I was told my Grandipops had passed. 

This week there was another moment.... a life changing moment. 

Friday the 13th; I woke up early and went to my parents room, like I do everyday. I hadn't slept well, bad dreams and bad feelings all night. Mom was out of bed and getting ready for the day, something felt off. Then suddenly the weeping began and I got the news my cousin had committed suicide. 

Suicide, the act of taking ones own life. This was no foreign concept or strange unknown idea. I know what suicide is, it has haunted my family for a long time. With a brother and sister, uncle, cousins and friends who have struggled and fought against this I had somehow come to beleive that it would never actually happen, not to our family, certainly not now. 

I've made some realizations in the 3 days following this news. 

The first is that the hurt from a suicide... the grief and emotions accompanying this loss are so different than any other loss I've experiences. I truly don't know how to explain it, I hope and pray with every molecule in my body that you never ever understand what I'm talking about. 

Second, perspectives change in half a moment. I have been concerned with job changes, money concerns, politics and obviously Covid-19. But truly those things don't actually matter. Family, trust, love those things matter. Things of an eternal nature, things that will actually matter 5 years from now. I don't know why it is that as humans we become so consumed with things that don't have lasting importance but we do, or at least I do. I can't promise forever but I am truly trying to refocus my life on things of eternal nature. 

Third don't waste a moment! Not a single one. Everyday with the ones you love is a gift. If you have something important to say to someone, say it! Please don't wait!!!!! I think this is something everyone feels after a loss. But boy oh boy! If you live and treat people like it's the last day on earth imagine how kind we would be? 

Finally please don't believe the lie that the world would be better off without you. Don't beleive that you're not needed or not loved. You are loved, please believe me when I say your loss will forever change the lives of more people than you realize. The world will never be the same without you in it. So don't leave, don't give up. Live one more day. Find a reason to exist today and be grateful for it. Cry out for help!! If those closest to you don't hear go to someone else. I don't care if we've never met, come to me if you need help. I promise there is help out there!!! This burden is the hardest one I could imagine to carry, so don't carry it alone! Come to the Savior, let me introduce you and together we can face this. I love you for just being you, thank for living in this world with me.