Free thoughts on World events

Anyone feeling like it's the end of the world? Just me, okay. Alright alright, and of the world might be a little extreme. But with the way things are right now it's definitely how I'm feeling somedays. In the course of what? 3 months maybe the world has been completely flipped on its head. It's a lot to try and handle right now. 

I'm not going to rehash the issues on the table right now. If you're interested or unaware find a reliable news site and educate yourself. Until we know what's happening in the world and develop our own beliefs, opinions and ideas on the issues we really can't get past just acknowledging there's a problem. 

So today in my attempts to unravel everything going on I decided to visit with my cousin, she is half African American, I just wanted to try and understand her point of view. I wanted to know her feelings and I was serisouly hoping to get some sort of direction about what I'm supposed to do from here. 

Here's about how successful our conversation was:

Okay it was more successful than that. But boy oh boy did that feel #relatable. 

Here's a few of the conclusions and thoughts I got during our conversation that I felt should be passed on:

1. There is no easy solution. Most of us (or maybe just some of us... just me? Okay) want someone to just tell us what we should be doing to fix this. The hard truth is this is a complex and multi-layered issue there isn't a clear answer to help everyone. But I have come up with a simple 2 step program to solve this little issue: 

     •First examine yourself. Ask yourself the hard questions! Do I judge people who a different than I am? Do I judge someome off what they look like, what they're wearing or what someone said about them? Do I have beliefs or ideas that cause harm to others? Am I kind? It's only through honest self examinations we can determine who we truly are. And make necessary changes! It won't be easy but I beleive it is possible and the only way to change the world is through changing and improving ourselves. 

     •Second we must seek wisdom from someone greater than ourselves. For me that would be God. Maybe you believe in another spiritual guidance or universe or whatever. But I believe we have a God who loves us and want's to help us. If we ask Him, willing to act on our answers, who we should be, how we should live and how we can help heal the world we will get an answer. No matter the answer we need to be willing to act on it! That's the only way this will be possible. 

2. We all have a voice and we all have something we can share. It's easy to feel like what we say won't make a difference or like no one cares about our thoughts and feelings. Not true my friends! You have a unique view of the world and it is needed. Don't devalue what you beleive and feel because you're not a POC or because you're still learning. If you feel inspired to share do it, and if you don't feel comfortable or ready or knowledgeable enough that's okay too. There are other options than spouting your ideas and agree with the injustice in the world. This blog from my sister did a great job discussing another option for those unsure what to do right now. 

3. We need to cultivate a society of tolerance. The most important thing to fighting racism, sexism, abuse, mental illness and any other virus in the world is the ability to openly and honestly discuss it. My cousin did a beautiful job writing some of her thoughts and feelings online and she told me that she had spent a good half an hour writing and revising her post and she removed an entire paragraph because she didn't want to "stir the pot" too much. This is an incredibly difficult topic to discuss, and feelings are definitely running high at the moment. But we have to be able to discuss our feelings and beliefs with others free of fear of judgment or offence. I'm not saying it's easy but until we can openly discuss the issues of today we will never have the power to change them. 

4. Finally there is hope. There is more that unites us than divides us. Believe in love. Learn to forgive. Don't give up on the world. You can make a difference on the planet. Most importantly you are not accountable for the sins of your parents or your race. There is good and bad in every person. Be the best you can be today and go forward open and willing to be better than you were yesterday. And always, be kind everybody. 

Friends or Friend zone?

Alright let's just clear the air the friend zone is 1. Not an actual thing and 2. If you feel you have been placed in the "friend zone" you need to re-examine you're definition of friends. Okay maybe that's a little harsh. I'm sorry. Heartbreak is hard and crushing on someone who isn't into you the same way kills. 

Alright so story time!! I'm going to talk about Mr X (since we don't want to harm confidentiality on this blog) so Mr X and I met while I was serving my mission. I found out from one of him friends that he had a crush on me, awkward, but you manage it. He asked me to write him after I went home and he left on his mission. So he left and I wrote him, as promised. Why? Well because I wanted to be nice plus he was an okay guy. I wasn't like an every week emailed by any means. But I wrote him often enough. Then just before he came home he started messaging me over Facebook. Long story short we started talking pretty frequently. A few weeks after he got home (just around Valentine's day) he expressed his feelings for me. I wasn't sure how to respond so i just said honestly that I wasn't clear on my feelings and felt we needed to get to know one another (without one of us being a missionary). He agreed and we continued to talk. He discussed the possibility of coming to visit me, we figured we should probably video call before that. So we started the occasional video call. 

At this point I was really trying to determine my feelings. I was discussing it with friend and family. And honestly I just didn't feel any spark. I really felt like after 3 years if a spark was gonna happen it would've happened by this point. So I decided to prevent hurt feels and sad hearts so I told him what I was feeling. I tried to be kind and I expressed the fact that above all I just didn't want to hurt him and wanted to stay friends. His response was curt and frank: his only interest in me was romantic, he had only worked on our friendship in the plans of it become a relationship and since I wasn't interested he was no longer going to make an effort. 

He has held true to his words. Since this last exchange it has been 3 weeks. We haven't spoken. We went from daily to nothing. I'll be honest it took me a while to be ready to talk about this. I was hurt, not because I'd secretly fallen for him, but because for 3 years I had invested in our friendship. Not because I wanted anything out of it beyond just that friendship. It hurt to think that he had no real sincere interest in me. It was like reverse freind zone... relationship zone and when I didn't agree in was dropped. The end. 

Listen friends don't lead someone on like this. Don't be interested in someone only until you get what you want. This is selfishness and entitlement. Let's see if I can make this a little more simple don't be a Dickhead!!! Yup that's right. Friendships are work and they take effort. You can't go into them expecting something from it. Friendship is about love and trust and support. If you're luck enough to talk in love with your best friend then good for you. If not, you're friendship should be able exist beyond that. 

Listen, just be kind okay? Treat people the way you want to be treated. If you can be kind the world will be a better place. So get on it!