10 Things to do during Quarantine

Well the quarantine continues, will it ever end? Y'know it's very unclear. Feeling a little bored yet, probably understandable at this point here are 10 ideas to escape the boredom;

1. Cuddle all day every day! Hopefully your quaruntine home comes with a cuddle buddy. My recommendation is a cute little doggo. 

Here's my buddy right now. He's always down for cuddles, snuggles and treats. 

2. Pick up a new "useful" skill. Have you tried knitting? How about crocheting? Maybe some sewing? Honestly in the next month you could easily make a nice scarf. If you're really committed maybe a blanket. So get to it!! 

3. Bread making. With extra time on your hands baking is a perfect way to use it. So far I've made about 6 different kinds of bread. Surprisingly it's not too difficult and there's truly nothing better than the smell of freshly baked bread, well except maybe eating that freshly baked bread. 

Here's my personal favorite from what I've made, an Herb Potato Artisan loaf. Oh man!! 

4. Start a blog. I know what your thinking, 'I have nothing to write about.' But let me tell you something: you're living an absolute adventure! This is history and it's happening right now!! Maybe a blog isn't your thing, but write about what's happening. Tell your story it deserves to be told! 

5. Up your self care routine. Do you like to bathe but never feel like you have time? You've got time now! Want to soak your feet or wear a mask during the day? Literally there is nothing to stop you now but you! Also just a quick tip there's nothing quite like sitting in a bath watching a movie on your laptop or cell phone. It's a real bath time game changer!! 

6. Admit your desperation and download a dating app. Look at it this way, it'll give you something to do right now. ;) And no need to worry about any awkward dates, at least until this craziness is over. Plus you learn a lot about people when they're under high stress. 

7. Start your spring cleaning. Have a random drawer you haven't cleaned in ages? No better time than right now. How about a closet you need to organize? Or Maybe you need to update your wardrobe and get ride of a few less than classy items. I mean why wait? If nothing else it'll put an end to your boredom. 

8. Rewatch the best Nickelodeon show of all time, obviously Avatar the Last air Bender. Nothing will bring greater comfort during this stressful time than the wise and comforting words of Uncle Iroh. Plus pro tip Avatar is coming to Netflix this may. #blessed!

9. Re-connect with nature. Stay up all night star gazing. Walk through the woods. Sit in the sun without your cell phone. Dance in the rain. Find shapes in the clouds. Name the squirrels in your yard. Start a fairy garden. The world around us is truly magical, maybe we've lost sight of that with all the hustle, bustle and technological advances. But now we have a chance to change our focus and learn to really see again. 

10. Read! Read a novel, a self help book, someone's blog. There is power in the written world. Use it to learn, escape and inspire yourself. Not sure what to read? Look out for my top 10 book recommendations! 

So there you go! Go forth and fight the boredom with limited amounts of tv ;) 

Thank You!

Dear friends and family, 

I know staying home during this Covid-19 pandemic hasn't been easy. It's affected your work, and therefore finances. It's probably had an affect on you're health, mentally or physically. Honestly it's been hard to be stuck inside and isolated from friends and loved ones. Let's be frank, it just plain sucks. 

So I want to say, Thank You!!! I live with a chronic illness, I have a compromised immune system and there has been a lot of fear regarding becoming sick. Would I die from covid-19? Honestly I don't know, I tell myself I don't know but who knows.

So every day you choose to stay home. Every time you wash your hands for the 100th time. Every time you check your distance from someone at the store. You make a difference. You keep me safe. 

Maybe to you this sounds selfish, if it does I'm deeply sorry. And I'll be honest I'm not always sure I'm worth all the effort, just trying to stay alive and healthy is work and it's expensive and discouraging. But I have been overwhelmed with gratitude watching people, ordinary semi- disgruntled people, trying to keep each other safe. I just want to hug you all and bake you cookies and say, "I know this had been so hard for you, but thank you." 

THANK YOU a million times. 

Easter Week

As part of this Easter week I am taking time each morning to follow a study guide offered by my church. Today's prompt was about a scripture story about Christ that touches you in a meaningful way. Here were some of my thoughts from that prompt;

I think that on of my favorite scriptures about Jesus Christ is John 11. In this chapter Jesus returns to Judea two days  after hearing that Lazarus was sick. And I think it's important that right away in verse 5 John points out that Jesus loves Mary and Martha and Lazarus. But he still didn't come right away, as soon as he was called, and fix everything. 

When Jesus gets to Bethany he's met by Martha who is, understandably, upset that Christ hadn't been here and shares frankly that she knows IF Christ had come sooner, IF He had simply answered her prayer the moment she asked and the exact way she asked, Lazarus wouldn't have died. In response Christ explains who He is and what His power is. Then He asks Martha if she still believes this, even when she hasn't gotten what she wanted, even when to an outside eye she's been abandoned by Him, does she still believe? In response  Martha gives her sweet and powerful testimony, vs 27 "...Yea Lord I beleive that thou art the Christ, the son of God, which should come into the world." 

Not long after, Mary joins this interaction with the same sorrow in her heart. The same burning question, "Why Lord? Why didn't you come, didn't you answer? Why did you leave me alone?" 

Then we see clearly the character of Christ. He doesn't defend himself, beyond his gentle reassurance to Martha earlier, He doesn't roll his eyes and tell these sisters to "stop crying I'm literally going to fix everything in like 2 seconds". Instead He weeps with them.

I think John 11:35, "Jesus wept." Is some of the most beautiful and comforting scripture. 

Even though Christ has all power and can do all things there are moments in my life, and everyone's, where He doesn't come as soon as we'd like. Moments where He doesn't answer the way we want. Moments where we just don't understand. In these moments when our lives feel too much and our hearts too heavy I often find myself weeping. And it is a comfort to me to know that I don't do so alone. Christ is there weeping along side me. He knows my suffering and even though He can fix it all in a snap He is willing to simply sit beside me. Wrap His arm around me and hold me while He and I weep together. 

 

During this Easter season I am grateful for a Savior who is all powerful, all understanding, all loving. I am grateful that when my heart is troubled He sits beside me to offer me comfort and sometimes to simply share my heartache. I know He lives and loves me, you and everyone upon this earth. 

To all the boys...

To all the boys.... I've wasted my time on, 

I have a message for you, and I'll use small words so you don't get confused: "STOP. BEING. A. DICK." There did you understand me alright? 

You wanna know the number 1 dick move in my book? Ghosting a girl. (Ghosting for anyone unaware is explained by the urban dictionary as: "When a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they're dating, with zero warning or notice before hand.") I don't care who you are or what your excuse is this is rude and frankly mean. 

I have had more than my fair share of ghosting's from dicks. Now I'm not saying I'm great on my end when trying to pursue relationships, honestly I suck at it and I'm super inexperienced, but that aside I do understand common curitisy. Okay? It doesn't matter if you and this person weren't officially dating (which has most often been my case) if you are flirting with them, making future plans, dangling the possibility of a relationship or just don't want to be a dick, you owe that person the common curtisy to send the final message before dropping off the face of the planet.  

Here are some examples of what you can say:

"Gee *so and so* I've actually met someone else and I want to pursue a relationship with them."

"So, this isn't working out for me, I'm sorry."

"I've decided to move to Uganda and won't be able to talk to you for a while." 

Literally anything would be better than just suddenly not replying, not answering and not explaining. Let me pull back the curtain and tell you a little about how is feels to be ghosted;

First you make excuses for them. They must be really busy with: school, job, etc. Maybe they were in an accident and can't reply. Maybe the just didn't see my message I'll try again in a day or two. 

Second you're confused. You start rereading messages trying to see if you upset them. Or looking for clues to explain what went wrong.

Third you're hurt. You don't know what went wrong. You don't understand why it went wrong. It hurts to think you were so unimportant to that person's life that they can remove you entirely like its no big deal. It just hurts (and this is why you're a dick). 

Finally you either move on and are fine or you're left with trust issues. (I usually fall into the second because of my prior issues when it comes to men but that's for another post) And if you do move on and are "fine" there will always be moments in future relationships where a day goes by without response and you wonder if they are just done and that's the end of that. 

Honestly guys AND girls just be honest with each other. Remember the golden rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. It's literally not rocket science! Be part of the solution and don't hurt people. I know telling someone you've moved on or aren't interested is hard and awkward but in the long run it will be better for both of you. Above all else be kind my friends, please be kind. 

*What did you think this was gonna be a movie review or something? 

Covid-19, Anxiety and me.

Well, we made it through March! Way to go guys!! 

It's pretty well known among those closest to me, at least I think it is, that March is one of my least favorite months. Oddly enough it's the month of my birthday but I've always felt like bad things happen during this month. It was March when I had to have my emergency appendectomy on my mission. March when I was in the ER and subsequently diagnosed with UC. And it was March when the whole world shut down due to covid-19. Next year I vote we just skip over March entirely! 

It all seriousness life during this pandemic is pretty hectic and overwhelming. The other day I had to go to the store, I went with my father and we had a specific list we planned to go in, get what we needed and get out. Suddenly though while I was walking through an isle I was overcome with a wave of anxiety, I was ready to just burst into tears, horrified to be out in the world and the risks I was taking. I made it through that shopping trip but the anxiety remains. 

Today I was texting a friend and she was telling me, she's a pharmacy tech, about all the casual shoppers out and about doing their thing. I expressed my anxiety about just going to the store and she laughingly blew me off asking why I'd be anxious (harsh much? Maybe but I know she didn't mean anything by it). That being said I get it, when you're healthy you're indestructible. If you get sick it's fine, you'll get better. Nothing can touch you and so you watch the news and hear the warnings and think, "Man, they are really over reacting." 

Here's the thing though when you're immunocompromised (simply put your immune system, the thing that helps you get better when you're sick, doesn't work and is weaker than the average person) it is a big deal. I could very easily be the worst case scenario if I'm not cautious. And because of the people who love me I am frequently reminded of this fact. 

Anxiety isn't easy to explain and it's hard to mange. Anxiety is a feeling of overwhelmedness. Anxiety is, well honestly it's the feeling of drowning. 

Once when I was about 12 maybe 13 my family and I had gone with all my cousins on a camping trip. We camped near a lake and it was great fun. However I am not a strong swimmer, never have been, but I manage. I was out in the water and there where a few drop off areas. I wasn't concerned I was being careful. But I blindly began following my older cousins, much better swimmers than I, at one point it got deep and scary even for them. They tried to warn me but it was too late. I was in, literally, over my head. I panicked! I was thrashing around and crying out desperately for help (I learned later that my family still on the beach had not only heard me but had seen what was happening and chose to ignore it. Now that's an aspect of anxiety that is also sad but true) thankfully the trashing propelled me forward and my cousins where able to grab me and pull me the rest of the way back from the drop off. But I will never forget that feeling. It was desperation, fear, helplessness and panic all rolled into one. And that's what anxiety feels like.

That's why I'm wiring this at 11:45pm instead of sleeping... it's rough buddy. Really and truly. And I'll be honest I don't know what the solution is. But here's what I do know;

1. Have someone safe to talk to. Tell them about what you're feeling and why. Listen to their advice and council. Sometimes just talking about it helps you process and pass on what you're feeling. 

2. Be patient with yourself. These feelings are real. They are valid and it's okay to feel them. Things are scary right now. It's okay to be overwhelmed. If all you can do today is get out of bed then way to go! I'm hecka proud of you!! 

3. Tune out and turn off things that increase your anxiety. For me a major trigger is social media. So bye bye Facebook. You're not good for me so no more. Maybe it's the news or maybe you need to tell your family to stop giving you minute by minute numbers on the pandemic. Thanks very much but no thanks. 

4. Practice self care! Maybe it's a facial or shaving your legs. Maybe it's an hour of uninterrupted reading or a nap. Whatever it is do something nice for yourself. Take care of your mind and heart. Not just once in a while but make time everyday to show yourself how much you love yourself. 

5. Choose to have hope. Find something good every day. Be grateful for it. Try to count your blessings. When things get to heavy have a good cry. Don't give up. Trust in God and hold tightly to him. This is not the end of your story. Keep turning the pages. 

I hope this will help you, I'm not even sure if it's helped me yet. But if nothing more know the feelings of anxiety you're expeienceing are shared by so many. You are not alone. Sparkle on my beautifully anxious unicorn.