I am sleeping a lot, I'm like always tried right now. And yes it can be health related also. I'm not motivated to do anything other than lay around in my pjs. Speaking of, I'm not getting dressed or "ready" for my day. I'm so sad and dissatisfied with my life right now. Even in happy moments it's only surface happy, you know? Like I show it but I don't really feel it. I'm sure it's related to the holiday season.
This is a weird Christmas for me and my family. My sibblings aren't coming home so it's just kinda me and my folks. And it makes me sad and oh the lonely feeling right now. Then there's the whole end of year thing. You ever just feel 'blah' about the past year? Like what have I even done this year?
So basically I think this is very much situational depressed feelings... But they suck and I'm just trying to process so if it's all I write about for the next little bit now you know why.
I wanted to try and end in a positive spin, yesterday I had a huge emotional breakdown. I was overwhelmed and we has some issues at home and it just became too much. And of course this happened right as my YSA group were all coming over. So needless to say I wasn't in the best place. When I finally went down to join the group I just want really feeling it. But I was doing my best... sorta. I was asked to give the closing prayer at the end and it became pretty obvious to everyone that I wasn't quite in the best place. So then a few sweet and wonderful things happened. 1st one of the guys (who is NOT) a hugger asked me what was up and then after fixing something's he gave me a hug before he left. It was such a huge moment, it really showed he cared. 2nd another of the guys, after we visited about some of what was going on, he offered some encouragement and then gave me one of his rocks! He'd brought them to show people and I'd mentioned I liked one. So he gave it to me! Honestly those are just a few examples, if you're struggling it's so important to surround yourself with people who love you. Everyone needs love and support and having good friends and family can help lighten your load.
Hang in there friends! No matter what's going on right now, you can handle it. You're not alone! Try to see the good!
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