Thursday, January 31, 2019

Thoughts on dating

Dating 101... just don't.... haha just kidding. So I'm gonna be totally honest with you I don't have any friends my age with Chronic illness, so I'm not saying I speak for everyone when I share my thoughts on dating. But here goes anyway!
I can list on one hand the number of dates I've been on. And unsurprisingly they have correlated with my illness pretty well. My first "not boyfriend" (I'm not actually sure what we were but that's a story for another time) and I started going out just as my illness what hitting it's worst point. And everything was about my illness!! It was sweet and I'm sure he meant well, however it was also exhausting and sometimes frustrating. We couldn't go out to eat without him asking and worrying about what I can and can't eat. He frequently got emotional and frustrated with the challenges I was facing. Again, sweet and his intentions I'm sure were the best, but I hated it and I ended our relationship (or whatever it was) just after my ER visit and initial diagnosis.
Now just recently I met another young man and we went on a few dates. The dates were very uncouth and just plain fun. But my favorite part? To my knowledge he knew nothing or very little of my health challenges. So it was never a topic of discussion. When I was with him I felt free. I didn't feel like something broken that needed fixing and I didn't feel limited by my illness. Honestly he left for school not long ago and I'm not sure what would've or could've happened if he hadn't. I know eventually we would've had to talk about it, but for me there was something incredibly liberating about not talking about my illness.
And I learned a lot from these experiences I learned that I have more than enough pity for myself and my problems and sometimes I just need some tough love. I also learned that focusing on my illness or having other people focus on it makes it worse. Finally I learned that different situations can really affect how successful a relationship is. It was a lot of food for thought especially as I am thinking about my future and since I do want to get married someday.
So I don't know what the future holds, I don't know how I'm gonna have a conversation about my illness with someone. I don't know who the right guy is for me or how on earth I'm going to find him. But these experiences give me hope. So come what may, and we'll get through it.

No comments:

Post a Comment