WARNING! THE FOLLOWING INCLUDES A DESCRIPTION OF AN ANXIETY ATTACK!
What is happening?!.... unexplained, terrifying, loss of control, fear- uncontrollable fear. This was my experience going to a YSA activity last night.
I went outside and cried on the drive way. I tried to breath. Tried to think. Tried to calm myself down...I couldn't... I was in danger. I was afraid. I was alone. I needed to get away. I decided to leave, just gotta get home. I need to get home... home.... I needed help.
I calmed myself, wiped my face went inside. Couldn't breath, can't think... can't stay.
My friend followed me back out.
"Are you okay?" I'm crying again, crying before she finished her sentence. I can't breath. Can't think. I need to run! Run where? I don't know. I'm not safe! Fear, doubt. I'm lost, alone. She hugs me. I cry, she cries. I try to breath, she just holds on. I apologize over and over. She holds me.
I am empty, exhausted. My breathing has steadied. My heart beat slowed. I can think again.... I have control again.
This was an anxiety attack. Not my first, but by far the worst in quite some time. Looking back I can remember the fear and confusion. But I also think, what on earth? You were fine. You made such a fool of yourself, crying in the drive way. Hope the neighbors didn't see. But thoughts, clarity, understanding that doesn't exist when anxiety is screaming: RUN! HIDE! ESCAPE! YOU'RE TRAPPED! THIS IS BAD! Nothing in that moment makes sense, only the feelings. There is nothing but fear and doubt.
Anxiety is real. It can be scary. But remember you are not alone. You are loved. You are seen. You can make it through this. I believe in you....
From one anxious chick to another; hang in there!
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