Makeup or Make-nope

So last year I really felt like it was my time to look at my identity as a woman. Thinking about fashion and makeup and hair. I had to come to a decision about what defines my femininity and what did I want to define it? 

I made the decision to stop wearing all forms of makeup. My skin was having some negative reactions to the drugstore makeups I was using. I also felt pressure to always have my makeup done around certain people, especially men, and it never felt like something that was in my control. So with all that in mind I went through and tossed pretty much all of my old, and cheap, makeup. I went makeup free for about 3 months. My skin felt better than it had in ages. I wasn't fighting my achne, it wasn't red and itchy all the time, my eyes didn't hurt as much. And in many ways it was liberating. I still would get complements for looking nice and I felt like they were real because I was real and authentic. 

Then came summer with weddings and outings and I began to miss wearing makeup. I decided that I wanted to wear makeup again. But I wanted to do it on my terms I began to research makeup brands and types that are more natural and skin friendly. However I am a poor sick person and have to live on a budget so I decided to try Burts Bees makeup brand. It's more natural and I can buy it at my walmart. I started small testing out different shadows and options finding what I liked and what looks I liked. Around this time I started to wear lipstick and something clicked! I realized that I liked my lips and I loved the crazy colors the vibrant options! I also liked the class of a red lip and the elegance of a nude. Lipstick became something I really enjoy because my lips tend to be less sensitive that the rest of my facial skin. It's also easy to feel done up when you just throw on a quick lip color. 

The thing was that part of me felt like my desire to wear makeup again was somehow un-liberating me. I felt like I was once again conforming because part of my identity had become that I was makeup free. Finally one day I made my realization: it was my choice! I chose to wear makeup and to not wear it. I didn't wear it because I wanted to impress people. I don't wear it to catch a man. I don't wear it because I think I need it to be pretty. Or for any other reason. I wanted to wear makeup because I felt pretty in it. Because I felt powerful and confident in who I am. And when it comes to defining my femininity it's about how I feel. If painting my nails makes me feel beautiful then I'm gonna do it! If going bra-less makes me feel comfortable then I'm gonna do it. Because this is me. And with everything a chronic illness takes from you, your identity and the identity you create for yourself is all you have. So sparkle on beautiful people however you feel beautiful!