September reading review

 Hello friends, and welcome back to another monthly reading recap. I genuinely am losing steam on this whole writing about what I'm reading thing, BUT if I backed out now, I don't think my sister would ever forgive me. So 4 more posts, starting with this one!

Book 1: Midnight Sun 

Yikes, how are we still talking about Twilight? This book was massive! Like, good grief, it's not that many additional pages over Twilight, and yet somehow it was an absolute slog to get through. Edward as a narrator was neurotic, which was hilarious at times and absolutely infuriating most of the time. Like, bro needs so much therapy, and also what the heck is Stephanie Meyers on? 

Truthfully, I did think it was better than Twilight. In part because it was her what, ninth? book vs. her first. I also found it funny how she actually wrote Bella into a fully formed character in this vs. her being white bread untoasted in Twilight.  Would I ever read it again? Nope. Will I check out Netflix's TV show based on it? Maybe. 

Book 2: Nightlight: A parody

Okay, this book was bad, but sadly it was bad in the same way that Twilight was bad, and that's sad because Twilight was actually trying, haha. This was a short read that I enjoyed for what it was: quick, funny, and not much else. 

Book 3: The Thursday Murder Club 

A delightful read! The mystery had enough red herrings to keep you invested and guessing. I enjoyed the narrative style, with Joyce's journal entries alongside the 3rd-person storytelling.

The movie was very well done, and I initially found out about it. It was nice to have the actors' faces and voices while I read. It was a comfy read, a fun story, and quite a cozy experience. 10/10 (: I will definitely be back for the rest of the series. 

Book 4: The Tao of Pooh

I actually deeply enjoyed this book. I'm not sure I fully understand Taoism from it, but that's okay.

I did think there were messages relevant to me. Many of the principles taught were good, but I found I had to look at the story example in an open-minded way and not take the message at face value to find the real nugget of gold. I would 100% recommend the audiobook form of this book. It was just so sweet to hear the characters as they interacted throughout the story.

Ultimately, it's a short and sweet book that gives just a little more Pooh in an adult-acceptable form.

Book 5: A Far Wilder Magic

I have only read 1 other book by this author, and I loved it! It was wonderful, and so naturally I thought, I should read her other books and see if they are good too. I started with this one in part because I was significantly less interested in it haha. The premise didn't quite do it for me, BUT it was overall well reviewed, so I went for it. It was an interesting book. The story moved at a slow pace. Honestly, it wasn't until maybe the last 1/3 that I started to feel the pace pick up, and my ability to put it down decreased. 

Overall, I think the world-building was good, if a little confusing. The author didn't waste any time explaining things; they just got right to the story. Which is how I prefer my world-building, if I'm honest. But I would've enjoyed slightly less pining and drama and more explaining the magic, religion, etc., of the world we were in. The main characters were... interesting. Sometimes I found them deeply annoying, if I'm honest. And the constant "I can't trust him," "She's not like other girls," blah blah blah was dreadful. Just ugh. 

A final note on spicy levels. I felt this book read much more like Young Adult than Teen. The description of the spicy scenes was pretty mild, but the yearning was turned all the way up. I feel it would be age-appropriate for 18+. 

Alright, I did it! As usual, go check out my sister's post here, and I'll see you in the next one. 

Look if I don't write this somewhere I fear I may explode. So, to keep myself intact (more or less) I'll just spill the tea real quick. 

Last new years I was an absolute goober and crawled myself under my table, put on "I'm wishing" from Snow White and gobbled up 12 gapes in under a minute in the hopes of improving my rather sorry attempt at a love life. 

Well here we are a near 10 months later and yikes! See I met someone and he's so nice. Ugh he's like thoughtful and considerate and understanding. He thinks I'm so funny and when he laughs his whole body laughs. He's cute too don't think I haven’t noticed that. And it's really nice. And I like him. 

But here's the thing much of my prior dating has been more of a thought experiment vs an actual thing. So it's a lot of long distance and phone calls and swooning at the imagined situations. But this? This feels real. Like we've been on... I don't even know anymore... 6 dates?... and they are so nice. And we talk and we laugh and we've held hands and I feel safe around him to be myself. Which is great and amazing but also scary because this feels real in a way I haven't experienced before. 

So who knows what the future holds. Our path thus far has definitely been... complicated to say the least. But I'm so hopeful it's genuinely disgusting. Because what if this one is real? What if he chooses me? What if he doesn't? Oh yikes am I in trouble! 

Anyway see you in a month when my heart has been shattered? Or maybe not. 

What I read in August

August was a month and I read drum roll please *Drdrdrdrdrdrdrdr" nothing! Okay not actually nothing! I read 2 books! Over the entire month... so yeah compared to my regular accomplishments basically nothing haha. Regardless here we are to write our review (my sister was contemplating not doing this month and just tag teaming it with September but I talked her back into it, you're welcome). 

Book 1: Chocolate Chip Cookie Murder 

A cozy baking themed murder mystery that reads like a hallmark movie and is set in the Midwest? Say less I was already intrigued. My sister heard about this on one of her favorite Witchy podcasts (idk which one you'll have to ask her). And again, premise alone I was 100% in! 

I loved this book! It is a crozy read great for a crisp autumn evening (though my August was decidedly less than crisp). The crime element is mild and nongraphic. The characters are cute and charming in their own unique and quirky ways. The mystery was just the right level where you solved the puzzle, just sentences ahead of Hannah, the main character, figuring it out. 

I also thought it was cute that the book includes cookie recepies as they are referenced in the story. I haven't tried any of the recipes yet, but I think I will. I just need to decide which one! And expect to see more from this series I already have some picked out for October and at Christmas! 

Book 2: Twilight

Can you believe that after all this time, I finally read Twilight?!?! Me neither, honestly. I know, I know what I said when I read "Why we Love and Hate Twilight" but I consume wayyyy to much Twilight related content so I need the experience first hand! And honestly.... Twilight is fine. It's genuinely not that good, but also, it's not like the worst book I've ever read by any means. It's just very mid. Like nothing really happens to push me into either the "loving this this will be my entire personality" or "speak of this book and you will be consumed by my rage" camp. It was just.... fine.

I do recognize I am not the target market (since I am neither lovesick or 13) and that I don't get to bank on the nostalgic factor (since I'd never read this book before). 

Honesly its a shame in some ways because, Stephanie Meyer came up with a very interesting world and fascinating characters only to decide to focus on the most boring and basic teenage female and the most neurotic and exhausting vampire. 

I really started to enjoy the book during the tracking/hunting bit like it was starting to be interesting and about more than just feelings. But alas so incredibly short-lived. 

Would I recommend this book to anyone? Nope. Will I read the remainder of the series... *spoiler I will not*, but idk maybe I'll get bored. But I read it so there's that.

Look forward to next month the reading amount will be much more my typical amount and who knows I might even post at an appropriate time ;) also as usual go check out my sister scathing review of Twilight on her blog here. 

back to the beginning

Bang goes that. Here I am... alone again. Am I sad becuase I "lost him" or sad because it means I'm alone again? Alone with no prospects. No future. No hope of finding the love and happiness I so desperately want. 

Okay let's be honest it's definitely the second one. We only went on like 4 dates and frankly I'd rather he choose me fully than be half and half on things. Plus he was a lot of work- a not quite divorcee is bound to be but still. And he wasn't wrong. It was pretty clear that our lives were going in different directions and I don't really know if there was a path forward for us. But man I would've liked to try. I wish I'd be given that opportunity to take just the second step closer to my end goals. But here I am... Surrounded by others who have found their love and happiness and family and everything... but I'm alone. Once again the not chosen. Not wanted. Not gonna work out. Not quite the right fit. Waiting....... 

July Reading Recap

Happy August... basically September haha. Heres the truth though I am a reader not a writer or I am a writer but I write for vibes not on a schedule. However my sister is a persistent peter and also a saint when it comes to her patience for my shenanigans. So better late than never haha. July was a month and I read a lot. Problem is now I'm in like a reading slump so August might stink haha. Oh well! Lets jump into July and worry about August when it gets here (yes I just heard that whatever haha). 

Book 1: Five Feet Apart:

I found this book at a library book sale and quickly snatched it up to bring home. Some might be familar with the film (which is excellent) this book is mainly based on the film but I think was published just before the movie came out. Anyway I wrote a nice goodreads review of it so I'm gonna send you there for my thoughts. 

Book 2: Pericles:

I listened to an audio version of this play by Shakespeare in preparation for a Shakespeare weekend in Winona. And I loved it!!! I mean is it bat crap crazy? Yes. Is the plot ridiculously contrived and hard to follow? Yes. Are there references in incest? Also, yes. But this play is a wild adventure, and I found myself genuinely enjoying every second of it! 

Here are some aspects I really enjoyed about this version:

I loved Gowers character as chorus. The voice actor played him older and breathy, and there was an ethereal element that almost made him feel ghostly. 

The reunion scene was remarkably moving. You felt both the joy and disbelief as well as humble awe at this seemingly unearned happiness. 

Marina's voice is wonderful! You feel her horror at the brothel and all that it entails in an exceedingly visceral way. (Obviously, trigger warning of sexual violence) But she also had a way of conveying her innocence and virtue, a musical quality to her vocals that was as effective in her joy and conviction as in her fear and horror.

I would recommend this as both an audio option and to see on the stage because it was incredible there too! 

Book 3: Stars Above a lunar chronicles collection:

I am usually hesitant when an author adds additional books to a well completed series. Often, it undermines the existing narrative or feels like a cash grab and not much else.

This book is definitely the exception! Okay, it could definitely have been a cash grab, but it has merit regardless.) 

The short story format is enjoyable, and we get a story about all the main characters minus Iko (and, I guess, technically Jacin, but y'know he and Winter are usually a package deal anyway). Each of the short stories about existing characters comes from the existing narrative- we see Cress entering her life on the satellite, Cinder meeting her "new family," Wolf entering the Queens army, etc. It gives a glimpse into the characters we come to know and love in the main narrative!! 

The other two short stories break those parameters. One is a simple little mermaid retelling. It does have a Cinder cameo, which is fun, but otherwise, it's just a cute story. The final short story takes place after the events of the main narrative. 

We get to see all our favorite characters together again for the happy occasion of Scarlet and Wolf's wedding. It's a cute simple story it doesn’t add too much but enough that you see everyone happy, healing, and still together. 

My only gripe with the entire book is not having a story about Iko. Let's all agree we want the short story about Iko and Kinny (I know Wires and Nerve is more their story but sometimes it annoys me when media changes- think Avatar the Last Air Bender completing their native in a graphic novel when it was a TV show ya dig?) Anywho! Good book highly recommend. 

Book 4: Eddie Winston is Looking for Love:

This book, this book, my goodness! This is a book I will be buying. This is a book I must own because it is every cosy sweater, warm cup of cocoa and hug from grandma that your soul needs. High praise but trust me! 

It follows the story of Eddie the 90 year old looking for Love and his first kiss. As a near 30 year old who has never had her first kiss you can see why this book would intrigue me. But its much more that just a romantic love story. Its the story of humanity and how we can connect with others if we'll allow ourselves to. Truly it was beautiful and I enjoyed every minute. 

Book 5: The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight:

I wrote a decent review for this book on my good reads so I'm gonna just send y'all there and you can check that out. 

Book 6: The Screaming Staircase:

This is the first in the series Lockwood and Co. I will definitely be reading the rest of the series! 

It tells the story of an alternate London where specters, haunting and all things ghosty exist. And the only ones aware enough to recognize or deal with the issue is a bunch of teenagers, yikes! That's when we meet our trio: Lockwood is mysterious and doesn't communicate much. Lucy is extra sensitive, has a haunted past and is trying to prove herself. And George the nerdy, food obsessed, comedic relief (it's giving movie Ron without any of the heart of book Ron, if you know what I mean). An amusing group to be sure. They face their adventures and find they work together even better than they expected and all (mostly) worke out in the end. 

Book 7: Tuck Everlasting: 

I listened to the 50th anniversary edition of this book narrated by Alexis Bledel. It was wonderful! She should definitely narrate more audiobooks. 

I genuinely enjoyed this story. It was simple yet profound. It explores the nature of life and death, considers the purpose of life, discusses childhood, and growing up. All of it is truly deeper than you realize if you'll look for it. But also simple and child-like in the story itself. 

I found myself loving the Tucks as much as Winnie did, without much explanation as to why much like her. I found each member of the Tuck family simple and endearing. Winnie herself was a delightful little creature, a child just starting to grow and understand the world around her. 

I do sometimes think what it would be to write a sequel to this book. To right the Tucks family story and give them the ending they all want. Maybe someday someone will write it if they did, I'd definitely read it!

Honorable Mention (because I haven't "finished" it yet, it's sorta a workbook and instead of doing the workbook aspect I've just been listening to it but then I plan to re-listen to it and do the workbook aspect and I don't plan to count it twice so IDK this is my blog and my rules and mind your business.) Too Much: a Guide to breaking the cycle of High Functioning Codependency: 

All I'm gonna say is if you feel like you might loose your mind trying to control everything and everyones life then maybe you should check it out. I love the way the Author gives us practice moments to either do more reflection or to work on developing a skill to help us. There were definitely few times were I found the authors "I'm on your team, you're amazing"  a bit pedantic. But overall I think its a good book for some perspective if you're struggling. 

DIS-Honorable mentions 2 DNFs: Cinderella's Dress & Cities of Smoke and Starlight

Both books were ones I only considered reading becuase I was heavily influenced by my socials. Haha clearly they didn't know me half so well as they thought since I struggled to enjoy either. With Cinderella it was just a little to slow. With Starlight it was a little to trope-y and the dialog was just not it. If you've read them and enjoyed them great! If you think I should give them another try let me know! 

Okay a million years later I think I'm done! So you know the drill go check out my sister's post and definitely follow her if you want regularly scheduled posts and not whatever my chaos is. 

I think I'm broken and I hate it. Happiness makes me nervous and I'm always waiting for the world to end. I'm reaching to control myself and my feelings and every thought and action of the entire world all the time. I can't and I know that. I know being anxious about good and hopeful things is ridiculous. I know that wanting to control things I can't doesn't work. I know all these things but still I sit in the hamster wheel a never ending circle of torment unable to get off. My mind tells me "calm down" my body seizes and I'm holding it together with tape and hours long phonecalls and thin smiles and fake all of it fake. 

The hardest part? Hard to say maybe it's that part of me thinks that what good I bring to the table, what I offer a situation can't be enough when this mess is constantly spilling over. I think you deserve better and I want to tell you that. Part of me whats to drive you away because you have already faced trail and struggle and deserve something easy, something good. Another voice inside me whispers the belief that you can see past the mess and the hamster wheel and the anxious smiles and know that it will be worth it or you'll decide you want it anyway. But the fear is louder. She stands on the roof and shouts that you'll realize you'll see the mess and the stress and just walk away and even though it would make me sad I wouldn't blame you... because part of me even wants you to. But that little voice, she's calling out "please stay." 

thinking thoughts

This is gonna be a short post... it's really just thoughts... or a thought I guess, and not much else. 

Have you seen the movie The Intern? Anne Hathaway and Robert De Niro. Truly it is iconic and I love it. It might be my favorite movie, okay probably not. But definitely in my top 10 and one of the few I actually own a physical copy of. 

But here's the thing I cannot watch this movie without thinking of my parents and their issues. Without getting into the nitty gritty details. A few years ago my dad was unfaithful to my Mom. Not a long drawn out love affair with another woman just a spur of the moment physical infidelity (following a long period of mental unfaithfulness but that's beside the point). 

Now spoilers in the movie The Intern the husband characte is unfaithful to the main female lead (Jules played by Hathaway), she finds out and so does Ben (De Niro's character) and they discuss it with Jules being on the side of forgiveness and resolving the solution and Ben being much more cynical and pointing out that she has the right to a life free of unfaithfulness. No prior to this scene there is a scene where Jules trys to instigate intimacy with her spouse. In a rewatch knowing that at the point she likely is aware of the affair yet still making these choices my father made a comment along the lines of: "Why would she do that? She knows hes not being faithful to her why would she want to engage in that way." To which my mom responded that obviously she still loves him and doesn't want to give up on their life and happiness together. And my father lovingly scoffed at the whole notion. No as an isolated event this doesnt really mater- who cares! Made up movie, flippant comments, trival move on. 

But I can’t move on becuase of whats happened with my parents. I feel like their responses to the cheating perfect sum up the whole experience. My dad has been unfaithful and my mom has been desperately clinging to what was believing that his choices meant nothing. But I can't help but wonder if the roles were reversed would my Dad fight as hard to keep my Mom? From his flippant comment I doubt it... and I'm here just wondering why? Why did this happen to my family and will I ever get past it? Becuase I gotta be honest no part of the situation my Mom or Dad's involvement has left anything good behind and I'm left questioning marriage and love and faithfulness and trust and.... truthfully this is why I'm single. 

Anyways ramble over maybe now that it's out of my head I'll start to move on and be able to just enjoy this movie without it bringing on such complicated thoughts and feelings.