Things not to say

If I had to guess you or someone you know has a chronic illness, if not just wait this is a literal freaking epidemic! Ok. That was a bit dramatic. Where am I going with this?! Ahh yes that's right.... here is a quick list of things NOT to say to someone who has a chronic illness. 

1. You'll just need to learn to live with it. (Okay sure, why don't I just hire someone to hit you in the head all day with a mallet and you can learn to live with that, huh?)

2. Do you really need that medication? (Listen if I didn't need it I wouldn't take it, 9 times out of 10 the symptoms make me feel terrible but you know, I wanna live....)

3. So you're better now, right? (Listen, and I'll try to make this simple, chronic=forever. You're welcome) 

4. Have you tried..... (If one more person suggests CBD oil, essential oil, some medication they heard about on a commercial or a "cure all diet" I. WILL. CUT. YOU.) 

5. Oh but you're so young. (Yeah the thing is they must have forgotten to I.D me before handing out the illnesses. And yes, I truly appriacte the reminder that I have tons of time to "learn" to deal with these problems)

6. Why are you always tired? (Because my body is always trying to kill itself, sorry if this inconveniences you) 

7. Well you don't look sick. (You're not wrong, I try my best to keep the zombie buried deep inside) 

8. Why can't you do.... (Listen sometimes it's that I can't, sometimes it's a choice of what thing I want to do more. But beleive me I'm trying)

9. You must be so strong to deal with this (I know you mean well, but I don't feel strong, I don't love the idea that because I'm "strong" somehow that makes my struggles okay. Honestly they suck and I'm exhausted and I don't want to be the "strong" one anymore) 

10. But how are you really? (I know you mean well, and this is your way of showing it. But if I say, "I'm fine" there's a reason! *stay tuned for the 10 things "I'm fine actually means") 

11. I understand... (Listen I get it you want to empathise with me, but you don't understand. Okay? You just don't know what this is like and it hurts to be reminded of that)

The thing to remember everytime someone says one of the annoying things to you what they are trying to say is: I care about you. So try to resist the eye rolls ;)

And maybe send them this; a quick list of 5 things that we (well, I) actually like hearing:

1. I like you're Pjs 

2. Oh, I've never heard of [your illness] can you tell me what it is? 

3. Want me to get you your hot pad?

4. Do you want to talk about it or be distracted from it? 

5. Would a hug help?

Honestly compassion (not pity there is a huge difference!) and kindness will always be effective. And when in doubt just listen, more often then not we'll tell you want we need. Hang in there friends!