Mental Health Awareness Month

Alright let's talk about Mental Illness. As many are, hopefully, aware May is Mental health awareness month. Mental health and well being is extremely important to me!! I have a handful of family members and close friends who struggle with their mental health, and as I mentioned in a prior blog post recently my cousin committed suicide. 

I too have struggled with my mental health at different times during my experiences being chronicly ill. 

The other day as I was scrolling through YouTube I happened on a video about the danger in our society of Romanticizing mental illness. To romanticize something according to the Webster dictionary means: "to make romantic: treat as idealized or heroic." And some synonyms are words like: "glamorize, idealize, glorify" 

I do beleive that there is some of this in our society. For example, the video I watched also referred to this, in the wildly popular TV show 13 Reasons Why you follow the aftermath of a suicide of a teenage girl. She sends these tapes explaining (blaming? Condemning?) to people in her life the role they played in her suicide. Then it follows how these characters are affected (traumatized?) by these tapes. The danger is the show portrays Hannah (the girl who committed suicide) as being there. Witnessing how these people are affected by her actions. 

News flash!! When you commit suicide you are gone, you do not get to see how this hurts the people around you. And believe me it does hurt them. You don't get to witness their change or live on despite you're death. You are gone. The end. Suicide as a way to help people change, or a tool for revenge is a sick portrayal of the true illness that leads to such a decision. 

I refuse to believe that my cousin who loved his mother and father, his sibblings, his wife and his children would take his life as a way to "get back at them" for any perceived injustice he felt or to help them somehow "improve" themselves. He did it because he has severe depression. He had lost hope and saw no other way to escape the pain and despair he was experiencing. In this way I do beleive society can be harmful, downright toxic, in this aspect of mental illness. 

Another aspect of "Romanticizing" this video brought up was having multiple people (predominantly) YouTubers sharing "I have anxiety" or "I'm depressed" and the video goes off on the: DO YOU HAVE A DIAGNOSIS?! argument that always seems to follow these things. This specifically bothered me, because I've talked about my struggles with anxiety before with friends or family and I don't want to be part of a problem for others who face greater mental illness struggles. Now YouTubers aside, I don't think most people see anxiety or depression as big money makers. So I'm going to leave YouTubers and their choices in the corner. 

So let's discuss this; my mother is a therapist, she has a masters in Marriage and Family therapy. So I brought this issue up to her and she tried to help me understand this idea of diagnosis here's what she explained: 

Diagnosis: means there is a disorder (i.e. depressive disorder) 

To have a disorder you're struggles with this specific mental illness (i.e. anxiety) must be severe enough to be disrupting daily living. 

But mental health is a spectrum and you can struggle on that spectrum it's simply a matter of where on the spectum you find yourself. Most therapist don't want to label and diagnosis because it's completely subjective to your current therapist and can be potentially harmful in the long run. Within the medical treatment of mental illness a diagnosis is required for medication treatments. However! A therapist can treat you without a diagnosis, they may make assumptions about what your "ailment" is and they will offer therapy based on symptoms and what is most effective for treatment of certain illnesses. Seeking a diagnosis is a personal journey, one that is individual for each person. And only as affective/helpful and they feel it is. 

So there you have it! You may not have an anxiety disorder but struggling with anxiety and being open about it is valid. In my case, following my diagnosis with ulcerative colitis I was incredibly anxious. 

At one point I was home alone and started to have a panic attack, I called a close friend simply asking for her to breath with me. I was drowning and begging for a life preserver. She responded quickly, more that just breathing with me she dropped everything and came over. She held me and didn't leave until my family got home. At times I was so crippled with fear all I could do was cry. It took time but as my body tried to heal so did my mind. I believe that there is a real possibility this anxiety will be something I struggle with all of my life, just like my illness. 

Now let's finish this concern with "romanticizing" mental illness. I think it comes down to motivation: if you share information about your illness (physical or mental) because you want to raise awareness then that's good. Awareness is important, people don't understand things they don't know anything about. So sometimes you just gotta talk about it. If you talk about it for attention, praise or fame that's less good. I get it we all want to be seen but it's more important, especially with mental illness to be heard. If people hear you their hearts will be touched and the world can be changed. But if all they do is see? Well, when they look away you're out of sight and therefore out of mind. And heres a little pro-tip, if you worry about whether or not you're doing thing's (being sick, having symptoms, cancelling plans, talking about you're struggles) for attention there's a 98% change you're not. If you were you wouldn't care. 

So to sum up; 1. STOP JUDGING PEOPLE! Just try to be kind, please! I'm begging you. If someone is talking about their mental illness and in the back of your mind you think, "gee what attention seekers" or "where is their diagnosis" Well all I'm gonna say is: "check yourself before you wreck yourself!" Listen to them, validate them and try to help them if you can. 2. MODERN MEDIA OFTEN DOES ROMATICIZE METAL ILLNESS! Don't buy into the lies. If you are struggling get help! Suicide is not romantic, heroic, idealic. Suicide is not the answer! SUICIDE CRISIS LINE 1-800-273-8255. If your are struggling reach out and get help! If you're worried about someone you love, don't hesitate to call 911 and send help to them. 

3. MOTIVE IS THE ANSWER TO NOT ROMATICIZING MENTAL ILLNESS. Check you're motive when you share you're story. Awareness=good. Attention=not so good. And of you just feel like you want to share it? You don't have a clear reason why, then do it! 

The biggest answer to mental illness is Love. Love someone enough to listen to them. Love them enough to see the warning signs and get help for them. Love yourself enough to get help if you're struggling. Love the world. Spread kindness wherever you can and someday we will overcome this illness. 

Not bad day, but maybe a weird one?

So today I peed my pants. Yup, no joke. There I was hurrying to the toilet, not as fast as I could cause I didn't think I  needed to pee all that bad. When suddenly I was peeing, as in peeing my pants.... as in I literally peed myself! What is my life coming to that now I pee myself trying to get to the toilet? Oh good grief, can you imagine what it'll be like after I've had kids? Or, mercy, while I'm pregnant?!? 

Well, life goes on, you change your cloths, wash yourself off and go on with your day. So if today you peed yourself, or walked naked in front of a Zoom class/meeting, if you stepped in dog doo, or ate chocolate bars for dinner; it's okay. You're doing alright!! Far better than you may beleive. 

If I've learned anything from all my 23 years of life, which in 23 years I'm as close to as expert as I could be, it's that life is short, it's relatively simple and it can change in half a moment. Forgive yourself. Learn to laugh at yourself and the moments that just happen to all of us. Be patient with yourself, your choices, your mistakes. You are beautifully and wonderfully made and everyday is a gift to you. 

*this was supposed to be posted yesterday, I'm not sure why it didn't. 

10... no 15.... maybe 20? Ugh! That's to much back to 15

What started out as a simple idea of a 10 book recommendation list quickly became quite daunting and I realized that 10 simply wouldn't do. Instead here's my 15 Book recommendations for Quarantine:

Now I should preface this by saying, "book" in this post may infact refer to an entire book series, because honestly you have the time to read an entire series right now, trust me. Plus it gives my recommendation list a little more room. 

Finally before we break down this awesome list I have subdivided it into 3 minor categories: 1. Book series 2. Inspirational/self help 3. Stand alone 

And with that were ready to go! 

Book Seiries:

5. Percy Jackson and the Olympians; I was given the first book of this series as a birthday present and it was the best gift I could've been given! This series does follow the zainy antics of a 12 year old so it's not for everyone. But the chapter titled alone make this a huge hit and add much to the charm of the series. 

4. Michael Vey; This is a series I have both read had listened to with my family.  It's made my cry and laugh out loud. It's a total original and you'll enjoy every moment. 

3. Beyonders; You may recognise this author from his more well known series Fablehaven. However this slightly shorter series is more original in both plot and characters and therefore makes my list while fablehaven didn't. 

2. Lunar Chronicles; This series is life changing! Okay that was dramatic... But seriously it's princesses and rebels, true love and adventure, space and science. Truly I beleive one of the best book series of this generation. 

1. Harry Potter; How could this not be at the top of literally any and every list. This series taught me how to love reading. I learned about life, love, challenges and hope reading these books. They will always hold a special place in my heart and I read them each year. 

Inspiration/Self help: 

5. Last Lechture; After getting cancer he shares is life lessons so his children will have something left behind. It might make you cry but you'll also laugh and leave more hopeful and changed for the better.  

4. Where there's Hope; This is a collection of interviews where you learn about how to find hope no matter the challenges you face. 

3. Tuesday's with Morrie; I have read this one many times over. It's sweet and comforting, Morris feels like an old friend and his lessons are as relevant today as they were back then.

2. The Hiding Place; Corrie ten Boom is a personal hero of mine. She wasn't setting out to change the world she just knew what was right and decided she woild stand by it no matter what. That's the kind of woman I want to be. 

1. Mans Search for Meaning; Another favorite, there is inspiration in learning from another's experiences. There is power in the idea that even in Auschwitz concentration camp you can find purpose and meaning to your life. 

Stand alone Novels:

5. Across the Wide an Lonesome Prairie; I read this novel hinders of times as a young girl. It was and still is a favorite. Simple and charming. 

4. The Siren; A unique love story. Simple to the point and totally creative. You can't go wrong with that. 

3. A Wrinkle in Time; A true classic. The book is so much better than the movie. You learn about light and dark, the importance of choices and the power of love. 

2. The Five People You Meet in Heaven; Not the first by this author on my list, and there's a reason. Mitch Albom knows how to write! This book gives a powerful look at life after death. It shows how even if you don't realise it there is meaning to each moment of your life and the people in it. Eaxh life we touch and that touches ours changes it in ways we may never realize, in this life anyway. 

1. The Sun is also a Star; I didn't plan to love this book as much as I did. But for a love story this one is far above the rest. In the span of a single day you learn about love, life, purpose and fate. You may never see the far reaching aspects of your actions but what goes around comes around. 

This list is full of personal favorites, because I wouldn't be able to recommend anything less!! Each story has touched my mind and heart in ways I wasn't expecting. Each one I have gone back to time and again grateful for the escape, hope lessons and love I find in the pages. I hope you find something good to read (: 

Bonus short stories:

5. Green Eggs and Ham; Dr Seuss is another personal favorite. His stories teach children lessons. And are the most fun to read! 

4. If You Give a Mouse a Cookie; Lets be honest if you read this book you're gonna wanna eat cookie which means you'll have to bake cookies and that's always a win! 

3. The Giving Tree; Kindness is never out if style and for love you always have something to give. 

2. You are Special; Tissues needed for this book. Read it! Reread it! Learn it's message and let it change your life.

1. Harold and the Purple Crayon; The sky's not even the limit in this book! With a purple crayon and some imagination anything is possible!

10 Things to do during Quarantine

Well the quarantine continues, will it ever end? Y'know it's very unclear. Feeling a little bored yet, probably understandable at this point here are 10 ideas to escape the boredom;

1. Cuddle all day every day! Hopefully your quaruntine home comes with a cuddle buddy. My recommendation is a cute little doggo. 

Here's my buddy right now. He's always down for cuddles, snuggles and treats. 

2. Pick up a new "useful" skill. Have you tried knitting? How about crocheting? Maybe some sewing? Honestly in the next month you could easily make a nice scarf. If you're really committed maybe a blanket. So get to it!! 

3. Bread making. With extra time on your hands baking is a perfect way to use it. So far I've made about 6 different kinds of bread. Surprisingly it's not too difficult and there's truly nothing better than the smell of freshly baked bread, well except maybe eating that freshly baked bread. 

Here's my personal favorite from what I've made, an Herb Potato Artisan loaf. Oh man!! 

4. Start a blog. I know what your thinking, 'I have nothing to write about.' But let me tell you something: you're living an absolute adventure! This is history and it's happening right now!! Maybe a blog isn't your thing, but write about what's happening. Tell your story it deserves to be told! 

5. Up your self care routine. Do you like to bathe but never feel like you have time? You've got time now! Want to soak your feet or wear a mask during the day? Literally there is nothing to stop you now but you! Also just a quick tip there's nothing quite like sitting in a bath watching a movie on your laptop or cell phone. It's a real bath time game changer!! 

6. Admit your desperation and download a dating app. Look at it this way, it'll give you something to do right now. ;) And no need to worry about any awkward dates, at least until this craziness is over. Plus you learn a lot about people when they're under high stress. 

7. Start your spring cleaning. Have a random drawer you haven't cleaned in ages? No better time than right now. How about a closet you need to organize? Or Maybe you need to update your wardrobe and get ride of a few less than classy items. I mean why wait? If nothing else it'll put an end to your boredom. 

8. Rewatch the best Nickelodeon show of all time, obviously Avatar the Last air Bender. Nothing will bring greater comfort during this stressful time than the wise and comforting words of Uncle Iroh. Plus pro tip Avatar is coming to Netflix this may. #blessed!

9. Re-connect with nature. Stay up all night star gazing. Walk through the woods. Sit in the sun without your cell phone. Dance in the rain. Find shapes in the clouds. Name the squirrels in your yard. Start a fairy garden. The world around us is truly magical, maybe we've lost sight of that with all the hustle, bustle and technological advances. But now we have a chance to change our focus and learn to really see again. 

10. Read! Read a novel, a self help book, someone's blog. There is power in the written world. Use it to learn, escape and inspire yourself. Not sure what to read? Look out for my top 10 book recommendations! 

So there you go! Go forth and fight the boredom with limited amounts of tv ;) 

Thank You!

Dear friends and family, 

I know staying home during this Covid-19 pandemic hasn't been easy. It's affected your work, and therefore finances. It's probably had an affect on you're health, mentally or physically. Honestly it's been hard to be stuck inside and isolated from friends and loved ones. Let's be frank, it just plain sucks. 

So I want to say, Thank You!!! I live with a chronic illness, I have a compromised immune system and there has been a lot of fear regarding becoming sick. Would I die from covid-19? Honestly I don't know, I tell myself I don't know but who knows.

So every day you choose to stay home. Every time you wash your hands for the 100th time. Every time you check your distance from someone at the store. You make a difference. You keep me safe. 

Maybe to you this sounds selfish, if it does I'm deeply sorry. And I'll be honest I'm not always sure I'm worth all the effort, just trying to stay alive and healthy is work and it's expensive and discouraging. But I have been overwhelmed with gratitude watching people, ordinary semi- disgruntled people, trying to keep each other safe. I just want to hug you all and bake you cookies and say, "I know this had been so hard for you, but thank you." 

THANK YOU a million times. 

Easter Week

As part of this Easter week I am taking time each morning to follow a study guide offered by my church. Today's prompt was about a scripture story about Christ that touches you in a meaningful way. Here were some of my thoughts from that prompt;

I think that on of my favorite scriptures about Jesus Christ is John 11. In this chapter Jesus returns to Judea two days  after hearing that Lazarus was sick. And I think it's important that right away in verse 5 John points out that Jesus loves Mary and Martha and Lazarus. But he still didn't come right away, as soon as he was called, and fix everything. 

When Jesus gets to Bethany he's met by Martha who is, understandably, upset that Christ hadn't been here and shares frankly that she knows IF Christ had come sooner, IF He had simply answered her prayer the moment she asked and the exact way she asked, Lazarus wouldn't have died. In response Christ explains who He is and what His power is. Then He asks Martha if she still believes this, even when she hasn't gotten what she wanted, even when to an outside eye she's been abandoned by Him, does she still believe? In response  Martha gives her sweet and powerful testimony, vs 27 "...Yea Lord I beleive that thou art the Christ, the son of God, which should come into the world." 

Not long after, Mary joins this interaction with the same sorrow in her heart. The same burning question, "Why Lord? Why didn't you come, didn't you answer? Why did you leave me alone?" 

Then we see clearly the character of Christ. He doesn't defend himself, beyond his gentle reassurance to Martha earlier, He doesn't roll his eyes and tell these sisters to "stop crying I'm literally going to fix everything in like 2 seconds". Instead He weeps with them.

I think John 11:35, "Jesus wept." Is some of the most beautiful and comforting scripture. 

Even though Christ has all power and can do all things there are moments in my life, and everyone's, where He doesn't come as soon as we'd like. Moments where He doesn't answer the way we want. Moments where we just don't understand. In these moments when our lives feel too much and our hearts too heavy I often find myself weeping. And it is a comfort to me to know that I don't do so alone. Christ is there weeping along side me. He knows my suffering and even though He can fix it all in a snap He is willing to simply sit beside me. Wrap His arm around me and hold me while He and I weep together. 

 

During this Easter season I am grateful for a Savior who is all powerful, all understanding, all loving. I am grateful that when my heart is troubled He sits beside me to offer me comfort and sometimes to simply share my heartache. I know He lives and loves me, you and everyone upon this earth. 

To all the boys...

To all the boys.... I've wasted my time on, 

I have a message for you, and I'll use small words so you don't get confused: "STOP. BEING. A. DICK." There did you understand me alright? 

You wanna know the number 1 dick move in my book? Ghosting a girl. (Ghosting for anyone unaware is explained by the urban dictionary as: "When a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they're dating, with zero warning or notice before hand.") I don't care who you are or what your excuse is this is rude and frankly mean. 

I have had more than my fair share of ghosting's from dicks. Now I'm not saying I'm great on my end when trying to pursue relationships, honestly I suck at it and I'm super inexperienced, but that aside I do understand common curitisy. Okay? It doesn't matter if you and this person weren't officially dating (which has most often been my case) if you are flirting with them, making future plans, dangling the possibility of a relationship or just don't want to be a dick, you owe that person the common curtisy to send the final message before dropping off the face of the planet.  

Here are some examples of what you can say:

"Gee *so and so* I've actually met someone else and I want to pursue a relationship with them."

"So, this isn't working out for me, I'm sorry."

"I've decided to move to Uganda and won't be able to talk to you for a while." 

Literally anything would be better than just suddenly not replying, not answering and not explaining. Let me pull back the curtain and tell you a little about how is feels to be ghosted;

First you make excuses for them. They must be really busy with: school, job, etc. Maybe they were in an accident and can't reply. Maybe the just didn't see my message I'll try again in a day or two. 

Second you're confused. You start rereading messages trying to see if you upset them. Or looking for clues to explain what went wrong.

Third you're hurt. You don't know what went wrong. You don't understand why it went wrong. It hurts to think you were so unimportant to that person's life that they can remove you entirely like its no big deal. It just hurts (and this is why you're a dick). 

Finally you either move on and are fine or you're left with trust issues. (I usually fall into the second because of my prior issues when it comes to men but that's for another post) And if you do move on and are "fine" there will always be moments in future relationships where a day goes by without response and you wonder if they are just done and that's the end of that. 

Honestly guys AND girls just be honest with each other. Remember the golden rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. It's literally not rocket science! Be part of the solution and don't hurt people. I know telling someone you've moved on or aren't interested is hard and awkward but in the long run it will be better for both of you. Above all else be kind my friends, please be kind. 

*What did you think this was gonna be a movie review or something?