Whelp

 Today Mr. Ford officially sent his "thanks but no thanks." 

You ever feel like it you expect disappointment you won't be disappointed? I'm usually pretty good at having realistic expectations for everything... except boys haha. 

I'm playing it cool to everyone in my family (thank goodness I didn't tell hardly anyone). I fine, it's not a big deal. I'm over it. Boys are dumb anyway. Come on are we really that surprised that I managed to botch another relationship attempt? 

Truth is though.... this is crushing. Not just because I liked him, I did. But because getting to know him and talking to him made me happy and gave me a hope for a future that I'd sort of decided wouldn't happen anytime soon (if even in my life time). And it's fine, I get it he's busy and needs some space. But I also just wish things happened a little differently. I mean... the last time we spoke things just felt off- probably because he was tired and just felt obligated to talk. 

I'm just sad because I'm not sure what the future holds and the future I hoped for feels farther away than ever.