Heart sick

I'm outside in the middle of a bike ride, fun fact I reached my goal (of a few years haha😅) and finally biked all the way to the Library (YAY! Insert mild happy dance), but my heart is just to heavy to wait any longer. I have words and feelings just swirling around my mind and heart. If they don't get out I don't know what I'll do. 

The world is such a dark place right now. The pandemic, the loneliness, murders and riots.... there is just so much... so so much. In my own life there is confusion and heartache. Hurt feelings and misunderstandings. I just feel so beyond empty and lost and... And I don't know what to do. 

I don't know why there is so much darkness in the world. I just know it hurts. It hurts so much. I just hurt so much. (That's probably why I'm bleeding again... when the world gets too heavy the best way to deal is obviously to attack yourself internally *please note intense sarcasm*) That's not to say my suffering or sadness diminishes the suffering and sadness of other people. But it does suck that's for sure. (Frankly it sucks for everyone so... there's that) It really sucks.... And I feel so alone facing it. 

This post has no point. No cheer up moment when I point out the bright side and the blessings. This is just me right now saying my heartaches.... I hope the pain is lessened soon.... I hope the darkness gets a little brighter.... I hope you're hurt heals too. Until then, welcome to the life sucks club.