Mary or Martha

"Martha was a busy body." "She didn't know what was most important." "Being a Martha is bad." "Martha needed to relax!! She was a bully to Mary." And on and on. When teaching from the Bible we often get to the story in Luke about Mary and Martha and this as the response is summary: Martha =bad and Mary =good. Personally I have always loved this story and have proudly touted my defense of Martha at every opportunity. Because I am a Martha. 

Martha saw a need and filled it. She had an important role, that of providing for the temporal needs of the Savior and His followers while they resided at her home. And despite all that the Savior wad capable of doing that role needed to be filled. Much like Martha I have always felt more peaceful and content when I am up and going. If I was at an activity I'd much rather be helping with the set-up or clean up then visiting with others there. My view of things was simple: Mary can sit with Jesus ONLY because Martha is handling everything else. (Okay yes as much as I jump to Martha's defense I recognize that I might be a little judgemental of Mary... despite the Savior literally telling us she's making a good choice) 

However I recently was released as a temple worker and as part of that experience was given this insight from the temple President: "Temple workers are "Martha's" (see Luke 10:38-42).  It sounds like at this season in our life you should be a "Mary" and choose the good part to sit at the Savior's feet and hear His word as a patron in the house of the Lord once a month."

Yup, he just told me to be a Mary... despite all of my feelings that lead me to Martha... I was just told to enter my "Mary era". 

Yesterday I had the opportunity to attend the temple with a few friends and I felt touched as I watched the "Martha's" out helping and serving. And so my thoughts turned again to this invitation to enter my Mary era. I'll be honest I was feeling more on the distressed side about it. Becuase I went thought a whole session with no powerful spiritual revelation, no moment of enlightenment.... Maybe the reason I don't like being a Mary is becuase I'm actually not very good at it. 

So there I am in the celestial room sitting, thinking and feeling disheartened since I'm a bad Mary. When a thought came to mind: "My house is a place of revelation and refuge" 

Define Refuge: 

• 1: shelter or protection from danger or distress
• 2: a place that provides shelter or  protection

In an instant I felt a different sort of peace. As much as I want to be constantly open to receiving revelation and always go-go going (sounds a bit more Martha, hmm?) Part of embracing my Mary Era is embracing that if all I find in the Lords house is refuge from the storms of life then I am still using it for it's intended purpose. That if all I do is sit at His feel and feel love for His love for me then that is enough. 

So here I am a proud Martha entering my Mary Era. Seeking to find balance and acceptance that we need both Mary and Martha. I need both Mary and Martha because both are good and valued and at different times and seasons both can be our focus and lead to great blessings. 

A new perspective on Enos

Near the beginning of the book of Mormon we have the book of Enos. At a single chapter it's short sweet and to the point. Focusing around Enos who when out hunting alone felt to seek forgiveness from God prayed for multiple days before being forgiven. Then Enos prays for his people and his enemies and gets similar answers and reassurance. 

For many years Enos has been used as a to-do list for prayer and getting answers. And it often leaves me with the guilt of not being able to measure up the potentially imagined expectations. With this past read through I raced through it in hopes of moving on to something the left me feeling better. 

Come Sunday and once again Enos and his "pattern" (to-do list) was the focus of the discussion. After some silence and guilt I spoke up. Sharing that Enos is great but his experience was his and creating a to-do list in order to have good prayer and get powerful answers isn't fair to us. Becuase we're not Enos- what works for him may not work for us. And if the to-do list just leaves us feeling lesser than does it have any benefit at all? Then I shared my belief that God accepts whatever we can offer Him, weather a two day prayer or a two second one. If we are doing it from a place of love and devotion it is enough. 

I felt satisfied enough with those thoughts. Even if those around me didn't quite seem to get my point. The teacher focusing on how I do measure up and need to be more accepting of myself. But then I walked away from that class wondering why Enos. Why do we study him and his story? If all it does it create unrealistic expectations and guilt why would Heavenly Father want it in there? Honestly I'm not sure and maybe it's becuase each person can have their own experience and for some it just doesn't bring on the guilt. 

But while discussing this with a friend I had a compeltely new thought. A thought that gives me a reason to study and even love Enos. It came first from President Nelson's remarks to learn how to Hear Him and then from the events in 3rd Nephi 11 when Christ first appeared to the Nephites. 

Enos prayed for two days while seeking for forgiveness, when the Lord answered him His answer was a reassurance that he was forgiven. Then in answer to his worried for those he loves (his people) the answer was the same: trust me, I love you, I LOVE all my children and I will take care of ALL my children. To Enos concern for his "enemies" the answer was, you guessed it, the same. So what can we learn from this? 

1. The Lord has been trying to tell us the same this from the beginning. He loves us. He wants us. He wants to forgive us if we repent. He doesn't want us to feel guilt or shame or pain. He wants us to come to Him and feel His peace. This is a primary message from literally every prophet and teacher in the scriptures (ancient and modern). 

2. Maybe the focus of the two days has less to do with what Enos was doing (praying non-stop) and more with what he was struggling to do. Stopping and listen to the message that Heavenly Father has been trying to help us understand! This lesson is for me the point of the whole book of Enos. God is trying to tell us the same thing, the thing He's been trying to get through our head and into our heart from the beginning of all time. And our lesson is listen to Him. Trust His love for me, for those I love and for those I'm not so sure about. Trust His ability to save, trust Him. 

So Enos, I'm sorry I've been so hard on you. Thank you for recording your experience for what it can teach us about prayer and about listening. Next time I get to reread Enos or participate in a lesson about Him or teach it I'm excited to share this new perspective. If it helped me hopefully it'll help someone else too! 

Doing things that scare me

Okay my title is a misdirection. Doing these things doesn't "scare me" it makes me feel self-conscious or insecure and it makes me feel different which is hard. 

I turned 27 this year and I'm still single. I also don't have the largest friend group so sometimes I don't do things because I'm not comfortable doing them alone. I don't want to do that anymore. 

I don't want to look back on my life one day and be sad because of all the stuff I didn't do because I didn't think I could do them alone. So here I am tonight. At a restaurant (no take out that I eat at home while watching a movie) eating dinner by myself. It's weird and I do feel a little odd. But it's good! So here's to the first of many "scary" things that bring me joy, even when I do them alone. ❤️