Better or worse?

Tonight while walking the dog my brother made a passing comment that my mental illness was worse because I'd admitted to it, "Denial," he said, "is the key to success." Is he right? Are my issues worse because I have admitted my defeat and sought help? If that's the case why admit to the problem? 

Why would alcoholics anonymous have one of their first steps be "admit you have a problem"? 

I wonder if perhaps we're wrong in thinking the problem is made worse by admitting there is a problem to begin with. Perhaps our open eyes simply see the problem, maybe for the first time we really see that yup this is in fact a problem. Who knew? 

I do think my anxiety has been more apparent since I've started therapy but that's because I'm more aware of it. For example:

Today I realized I'd been working an extra half hour in my new job. Oops! Not a huge deal, it's only been for a few weeks and only 2 days a week at that. Certainly not the end of the world, no reason to crumble or destroy ourselves. However I quickly succumbed to an anxiety spiral that was pretty severe. I cried, I screamed, I was angry with myself. Convinced of my own stupidity, my failures, I was a horrible employee, I could do nothing right and it was definitely the end of the world as we know it. 

Would I have responded that way regardless of if I am in therapy. Yes ma'am I would've. So what's the difference? Well this time I realized even as I was spiraling that that's exactly what I was doing. I knew, even as I struggled to challenge them, that my thoughts were very distorted. I knew that my inner critic was running rampant but it was wrong. I am not a failure because I failed. I am a good person, good employee and yeah, I'm human, so what? Before I started therapy I would've simple accepted defeat because I had no reason to see any problem with how I was treating myself. I wouldn't have questioned it and certainly wouldn't have challenged it. 

That's the point of admitting to your problems. You can see them with both eyes open and act when they show their little faces. Just like a diabetic can't deny their way out of high bloodsugar without some insulin. You can just deny yourself into a healthy mental state, a lack of anxiety or freedom from depression. Sure you can push it to the side to get through the next shift at work or feeding your family dinner but that doesn't solve the problem. The only way to overcome it, to heal your heart and mind is to get help. 

Now I do understand not everyone who has mental illness seeks therapy. For some medications or exercise or whatnot is all the treatment they need. But for those who seek it therapy can be a wonderful way to work through some of your problems and get the help we all need to manage life. So yes I'm in therapy, I admit I have a problem with anxiety. But I'm not defeated. Right now I am okay and everyday I'm a little bit better. That's all I can ask of myself and that's all you should expect from yourself or others. Tomorrow is a new day and there will be good in it if you look for it.