Perfecting the Croissant

Happy 2026! A goal for this year is that I bake for myself (i.e. not to fill an order) every month. I decided to add a little spice to this goal by coming up with some recipes that I want to *perfect* the first being Croissants! Fun fact several years ago now I used to work in a french bakery/coffee shop and made Croissants every single day! Truthfully when I left that job I think my Croissants were practically perfect but it's been years haha so we'll see. 

Attempt #1 

Alright so I figure there are 4 areas that mater when perfecting Croissants. Recipe, lamination, proving and baking. 

Recipe: Thankfully I still have a tried and true recipe to work with. I know it's a good recipe!! I also have a pretty good hand on kneading and what the dough should be like. 

Next time gonna use the same recipe. No notes. 

Lamination: around the same time I was working in the bakery my brother got me a French baking Bible (no joke you should see how large this book is haha). It goes through the techniques of Lamination as well as giving some tips so we went with that. The biggest change was after the initail prove you roll the dough to the size needed to fully encase the butter and then you pop that dough into the freezer (I know unexpected but logically makes sense.) Then the folding for lamination happens as you'd expect. With a final fridge rest before rolling for cutting. 

Cutting went well and and rolling was honestly a dream. *See photo 1*

Next time I plan to do things pretty much the same. Maybe make the rolls a little wider for rolling. 

Proving:

Okay intial proving went well, dough doubled and rolled well. I think that one was a 10/10. The 2nd prove not so much. Per the baking Bible I was told to prove with warm water in the oven for 2 hours. I proved... not that long and definitely at to high a heat. 

Next time I will heat my oven for proving while rolling THEN turn it off prior to putting in the dough. I will still use the water at the base to maintain moisture. And I'll probably egg wash prior as per instructions. 

Baking: 

Once fully rolled and improperly proved I had 2 pans on rolls. I (in my rush) baked them together at 350°f it took over 20 minutes and they still didn't have even coloring. The butter leakage was... a lot haha but thats alright lol

Next time I will bake both pans separately. I will start at a higher temperature maybe 375-400°f for the initial few minutes before lowering for the remainder. 

Final thoughts: 

Per the photos attached *photo 2 & 3* I  think overall the recipe and lamination were practically perfect. I'll work on the proving and baking and next time we'll knock this right out of the park! 

Christmas Movie ranking

Per my sister's request, this post will be my official ranking of this year's Christmas Movies. Every year, I watch a fair amount (one might say more than my fair share) of Christmas movies. I definitely have some yearly favorites and a few that have followed me from childhood. Today, sorta jokingly, I went through the movies I've watched so far and ranked them for my sister- she begged me to make this ranking an ongoing thing and to post it to my blog. So here I am, no one can say I don't listen to my big sister. 

However, I am going to simply post this and update it each time I watch a new movie (lol remember when I said I'd update it as I went along haha so funny, past me likes her little jokes) so by the end of the season we will have a grand list of all the movies I've watched (and boy is it a lot haha). 

Christmas Prince 

Rewatchability 5/10

Couple 6/10

Music n/a

Storyline 4/10

Princess Switch 

Rewatchability 5/10

Couple 5/10

Music n/a

Storyline 3/10

Christmas Drop 

Rewatchability 7/10

Couple 6/10

Music n/a

Storyline 6/10

Something from Tiffany's 

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple 8/10

Music n/a

Storyline 8/10

12 Dates of Christmas

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple 7/10

Music n/a

Storyline 7/10

Merry Gentlemen 

Rewatchability 7/10

Couple 5/10

Music n/a

Storyline 4/10

Last Christmas 

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple 8/10

Music n/a

Storyline 9/10

Barbie Nutcracker

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple 5/10

Music 8/10

Storyline 

Ghosting the Spirit of Christmas  

Rewatchability 2/10

Couple 3/10

Music n/a

Storyline 2/10

Santa Claus is Coming to Town 

Rewatchability 9/10

Couple 6/10

Music 7/10

Storyline 8/10

Happiest season

Rewatchability 7/10

Couple 4/10 *Kristen's character definitely should've gotten with Riley, she deserved WAYYY better

Music n/a

Storyline 7/10

Barbie Christmas Carol 

Rewatchability 4/10

Couple n/a

Music 4/10 

Storyline 6/10

Winnie the Pooh and Christmas Too 

Rewatchability 5/10

Couple n/a

Music n/a

Storyline 7/10

Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas 

Rewatchability 6/10

Couple 3/10 *only given the 3 because we all know how it actually ends 

Music 8/10

Storyline 6/10

A sudden case of Christmas 

Bonus points for Danny Devito +100,000 

Rewatchability 7/10

Couple 3/10

Music n/a

Storyline 6/10

Jim Carry The Grinch 

Bonus points for the quoteability of this movie +15

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple 1/10 *sorry Martha but Grinch can do better 

Music 10/10

Storyline 10/10 

Nightmare Before Christmas 

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple 3/10 *sorry Jack and Sally stans- their entire relationship arc makes zero sense

Music 10/10

Storyline 8/10

Single on the 25th 

Rewatchability 5/10

Couple 6/10

Music n/a

Storyline 5/10

The Holiday 

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple 8/10 *Obvi the supirior couple includes Jack Black, I don't make the rules. 

Music 10/10

Storyline 8/10

A year without a Santa Claus 

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple n/a

Music 9/10

Storyline 9/10

Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas 

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple 10/10 *not to be that person but I'm pretty sure the love Mickey and Minnie share is better than pretty much everyone else on this list. 

Music 7/10

Storyline 9/10

Polar Express

Rewatchability 7/10

Couple n/a

Music 5/10 (you forgot this movie was secretly kinda a musical, didn't cha) 

Storyline 8/10

Santa ClausE 

Bonus point for Bernard simply existing +10

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple n/a

Music n/a

Storyline 9/10

White Christmas 

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple 5/10

Music 10/10

Storyline 7/10

Charlie Brown Christmas 

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple n/a

Music n/a

Storyline 5/10

It's a wonderful life 

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple 9/10

Music n/a

Storyline 9/10

Klaus 

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple 10/10

Music 10/10

Storyline 10/10

This is Christmas 

Bonus points for the casual inclusivity of this film +10

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple 8/10

Music n/a

Storyline 10/10

Love the Coopers 

Rewatchability 2/10

Couple 6/10

Music n/a

Storyline 4/10

Jim Carrey A Christmas Carol 

Rewatchability 9/10

Couple n/a

Music n/a

Storyline 10/10

Mickey's Christmas Carol 

Rewatchability 4/10

Couple n/a

Music n/a

Storyline 7/10

Elf 

Rewatchability 8/10

Couple 4/10 *low-key kinda creepy... but also Zoey Deschanel, so she makes it work 

Music 3/10

Storyline 9/10

Single all the Way 

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple 10/10

Music n/a

Storyline 9/10

The spirit of Christmas 

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple 6/10

Music n/a

Storyline 6/10

A merry little Ex-Mas

Rewatchability 5/10 

Couple 5/10

Music n/a

Storyline 5/10

Gremlins

Negative Point for all the goopyness of this film -100

Rewatchability 4/10

Couple 2/10

Music n/a

Storyline 3/10

 Home Alone 

Rewatchability 7/10 

Couple n/a

Music n/a

Storyline 7/10

I heard the Bells

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple 6/10

Music n/a

Storyline 10/10

Strawberry Shortcake Berry Merry Christmas

Rewatchability 2/10

Couple n/a

Music 2/10

Storyline 4/10

Magic School Bus Holiday Special 

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple n/a

Music 10/10

Storyline 10/10

Noelle 

Rewatchability 8/10

Couple n/a

Music n/a

Storyline 8/10

The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus

Rewatchability 5/10

Couple n/a

Music n/a

Storyline 6/10

Midnight at the Magnolia 

Rewatchability 10/10

Couple 8/10

Music 8/10

Storyline 9/10

And with that my friends I think I can offially say I am done watching Christmas movies for this year! 

 

A hard day...

Today was hard and sad and I'm both tired and sad at the moment. So that's fun. 

Y'know what sucks? Being 28 and for unknown reasons being emotioanlly affected by your parents failed and un-loving marriage. Like what the helly? I don't live with my parents anymore why the f*ck do I feel so hurt and sad by all this bs?

Honestly I know it hurts at any age I just wish it didn't hurt as much and I wish my situation in all this was different.... 

Idk man it just sucks and Im sad. 

 

Bedtime blues

While getting ready for bed tonight I started feeling immensely bummed out. To my mind came everything I was failing at. 

I eat to many sweet. Not enough veggies. I don't get enough movement into my day. I watch to much YouTube. Waste too much time on social media. Watch too many movies and television. I'm not learning or growing in anyway. Fail. Fail. Fail. Failure. 

What a buzz kill that line of thinking is. Now I fully acknowledge that any such thoughts around 9pm are usually triggered in part by the "bedtime blues" as I like to call it. The time of evening where no mater how good your day was or life is everything is horrible and life is the worst. The only answer to this? Go to bed and you will quite literally feel better in the morning. 

Problem is there are little beads of truth in those deeply self deprecating thoughts. I have been eating more sweets lately. I have also increased my media consumption. And between today and yesterday I spent a good amount of time on my couch or in my bed curled up under blankets. So what do we do now? Do we chalk up these feelings to the bedtime blues? Do we panic? Completely replan our life and set a thousand different goals to rectify every shortcoming? Do we do 100 sit-ups before bed? No, no, no and no. 

The best response is to be curious about those feelings of inadequacy or failure. Genuinely check in, has my life gotten out of control? Is it unmanageable? Where could I make reasonable goals to improve tomorrow? What am I doing well? What have a succeeded at today, this week, this month? 

I don't have answers to all those questions. It's nearly my bedtime and I'm pretty sleepy. But in sitting with these feelings I don't feel quite as consumed and overwhelmed. So we save the answers for another day and wish you and the rest of the world a good night. 

 

Morning musings

I sat across from my Dad asking him to choose me. To love me and want me and to try. And he couldn't do it. He couldn't say that he loves me. He couldn't reasure me. In that moment something broke between us. A flood of every other moment, insensitive comment, hurtful remark, choices he's made... they all came flooding in.

When he criticized me for what I was eating or how much I was eating. The letters and texts and conversations about how I should be different, do different, be more like someone else. Or how about when I was just starting to get healthy again and he threw a fit about the cost of my medical care. How about the calls and texts my siblings get that I don't. Or the acknowledgement of their relationship with him and the effort they put in but me? Nothing. And never, never an apology for how these things have hurt me. No acknowledgement of guilt or fault or wrongdoing. These moments all combine to tell 1 story and that story's theme? I don't love you.

Now do I truly believe my Dad doesn't love me? No not really. I think he loves me as much as and in the way that he can, and that's just generally sh*tty. I also don't necessarily think his lack of love for me is unique. I'm also not convinced in the last decade or so that he loves my Mom. 

I recently listened to a podcast where the host said: "I truly believe I am worthy of love and deserve to be surrounded in it everyday." Those words resonated with me. There are moments and because of recent events they have been more often than not. Where I do doubt or a wonder... if my own father doesn't love me who does? Who will? Am I even of value? Heck why keep living if the cost isn't valued by anyone else? 

But deep down? I know. I deserve love. I am worthy of love. And thats the basis for my distance to my father. I will not surround myself in a lack of love. I deserve better than that. I am still kind and respectful to him. And truthfully I still love him and care about him. But my boundaries are to protect myself from more hurt, more doubt, more loss. 

Moral of this story? I am worthy of love and so are you. I deserve to be surrounded by love and so do you. My life deserves to be filled with love and so does yours. 

dishes

There are moments in life that change us; we woke up one way, but by the time the next day dawns, we are different. Even if we don't fully know it yet. One of my moments came when I was... around 11. 

My grandfather was dying of pancreatic cancer, not a good time for anyone in my family. My family was basically living at my grandparents alongside most of my cousins and Aunts. It was a day like most of the others; the moms were stressed and worried, and sensitive, and the boys were all outside playing. When my Aunt asked me and my other girl cousins to do the dishes. Instead of jumping up to help, we grumbled and, at the suggestion of a cousin, hid ourselves to avoid the work. Unsurprisingly, my Aunt found us, but instead of yelling at us or imposing some other punishment, she cried. She cried about how hard life was and how we shouldn't be selfish; we needed to help right now. I felt awful, and right there and then, I decided I was not, and would not, ever be labeled as selfish again. A choice... a moment... that forever changed me.

From that day forward, at every family gathering, every church potluck, or party, I would be the first to jump up and wash the dishes. If you didn't know where I was, check the kitchen, and there I'd be, by the sink washing away. In many ways, this new part of me served me well. When I'd jump up at Grandma's, my Aunts and Uncles would sing my praises for being so kind and good. At church, I was thoughtful and helpful. In every choice to wash another dish, the chorus of "you are good and valued and loved" followed me. For a while, it worked... okay, longer than a while, it wasn't until the last few years that I realized, this dishwashing part of myself had involved herself in much more than just the dishes at the family gathering. 

Suddenly, much more than dishes were piling up. Every burden and challenge the world offered, the hurt and trials of family and friends, my own sadness and pain, it was all piling up taller and taller. And there she was frantically doing the dishes left and right. It was her only way to control, the only way to protect herself, the only way to keep the security of "you are loved, needed, valued," and that little voice inside whispered "this is who you are". But now? Now... I'm so... tired. 

Here's the problem with the endless parade of dishes: it took a while, but I started realizing that I sit with my soap and my sponge in my elbow-length bright yellow gloves and just want to wash those dishes. Clean them up, fix the problems, and off we go, onto the next! Here's the thing, though: I can't wash someone else's dishes. I just...can't. No matter how much she wants to, with her gloves and soap suds ready.

It doesn't work... they just don't come clean.

So there she is, gloves on, surrounded by dishes mine, ones others have given her, ones she has taken, promising and hoping that this time... this time she can get them clean. And she cries... she cries... she looks at the tower of dishes and cries. it hurts, it hurts to leave the dishes... I hurt because this is who I am... if I can't clean the dishes then... then what? 

Truthfully I don't want to stop washing dishes. It is part of who I am, a valued part of who I am that serves the whole well, but it's not all that I am. When the dish towers are too high, when I've lost track of which dishes are mine and which aren't. When she looks at the mess and cries. I am with her. I want to ask her to come over, come sit on the couch with me but she can't not yet. So instead, I go to her. I take her yellow gloved hand in mine and say "you are more than this. you are more than the dishes you do. you are not the dishes you don't do. you are good, and valued, and needed." Together we stand at the sink... and she cries and I cry because it does hurt... and that's okay. 

Today we cry together and tomorrow... tomorrow... tomorrow, we'll leave tomorrow for another day. 

Mary or Martha

"Martha was a busy body." "She didn't know what was most important." "Being a Martha is bad." "Martha needed to relax!! She was a bully to Mary." And on and on. When teaching from the Bible we often get to the story in Luke about Mary and Martha and this as the response is summary: Martha =bad and Mary =good. Personally I have always loved this story and have proudly touted my defense of Martha at every opportunity. Because I am a Martha. 

Martha saw a need and filled it. She had an important role, that of providing for the temporal needs of the Savior and His followers while they resided at her home. And despite all that the Savior wad capable of doing that role needed to be filled. Much like Martha I have always felt more peaceful and content when I am up and going. If I was at an activity I'd much rather be helping with the set-up or clean up then visiting with others there. My view of things was simple: Mary can sit with Jesus ONLY because Martha is handling everything else. (Okay yes as much as I jump to Martha's defense I recognize that I might be a little judgemental of Mary... despite the Savior literally telling us she's making a good choice) 

However I recently was released as a temple worker and as part of that experience was given this insight from the temple President: "Temple workers are "Martha's" (see Luke 10:38-42).  It sounds like at this season in our life you should be a "Mary" and choose the good part to sit at the Savior's feet and hear His word as a patron in the house of the Lord once a month."

Yup, he just told me to be a Mary... despite all of my feelings that lead me to Martha... I was just told to enter my "Mary era". 

Yesterday I had the opportunity to attend the temple with a few friends and I felt touched as I watched the "Martha's" out helping and serving. And so my thoughts turned again to this invitation to enter my Mary era. I'll be honest I was feeling more on the distressed side about it. Becuase I went thought a whole session with no powerful spiritual revelation, no moment of enlightenment.... Maybe the reason I don't like being a Mary is becuase I'm actually not very good at it. 

So there I am in the celestial room sitting, thinking and feeling disheartened since I'm a bad Mary. When a thought came to mind: "My house is a place of revelation and refuge" 

Define Refuge: 

• 1: shelter or protection from danger or distress
• 2: a place that provides shelter or  protection

In an instant I felt a different sort of peace. As much as I want to be constantly open to receiving revelation and always go-go going (sounds a bit more Martha, hmm?) Part of embracing my Mary Era is embracing that if all I find in the Lords house is refuge from the storms of life then I am still using it for it's intended purpose. That if all I do is sit at His feel and feel love for His love for me then that is enough. 

So here I am a proud Martha entering my Mary Era. Seeking to find balance and acceptance that we need both Mary and Martha. I need both Mary and Martha because both are good and valued and at different times and seasons both can be our focus and lead to great blessings.